Live Blogging: 2011 NBA Draft

10:22 This is the loudest applause that Adam Silver has ever gotten. And this ends the live coverage. Impressions? Minnesota still has zero idea what it's doing.

9:49 ESPN has been so far behind Twitter on their reporting. It's getting annoying.

9:40 The dog has been farting like crazy. Must not be happy with any of these picks.

9:11 Why they don't show the Isiah's a bum video from 2007 whenever the Knicks make a pick every year is beyond me.

9:01 Nice prom tux Kawhi! (Also, why is his pinky all mangled?)

8:48 What is happening with Marcus Morris' pocket square? It seems to be growing exponentially.

8:39 If you want draft coverage that's slightly less funny than me in the other internet tab, follow the Ball Don't Lie live chat.

8:23 In serious news, Ron Artest wants to change his name to Metta World Peace.

8:12 BIZ! (Fran, so you're telling me they just drafted a taller Joel Anthony with the #7 pick?)

8:04 Jonas Valanciunas: Opulence. I has it. (Kisses mini giraffe).

8:02 Just let out a big YES after this Toronto pick. I was just rooting that Kemba not get exiled to Canada.

7:59 Mark Jones seems to keep having his mic dumped. He must be swearing like crazy.

7:57 Bilas is killing me. Where's the "length" references?


7: 46 Where are the ridiculous suits? Why do they look so professional?

7:37 Kyrie is hearing all of this from the ESPN crew, yes? That seemed like a very nervous sip of water.

7:33 I love the booing. Big shout out to NJ!

7:23 Someone please find the vampire who bit Rachel Nichols before she infects the entire war room.


7:17 Zombies Can Dunk exclusive: With the first pick, the Cavs will draft Whitey Bulger because when he flees town at least no one will be pissed.

7:12 Angry contributor, Jay Breuer, makes his first contribution tonight: "Pace" is the new "length" for Jay Bilas this year.

7:11 Stuart Scott is not loud enough to make us care yet. Give him time

Avery Johnson Weighs In

I've seen a lot of animated gifs that make me all happy and fuzzy inside, but this one is my new favorite.

Basically, you ask a question, and the Avery Johnson Decider lets you know if you made a good point.

For instance:

"Avery, what do you think of the idea of four supermodels, in a jacuzzi, all with bottles of champagne and strawberries?"

He likes it! Avery likes it!

Jeff Van Gundy's Blank Stare Can See Directly Into Your Soul

Quick! Clear your mind so he can't read your thoughts!!!

Nice Play

My favorite play of the Magic's defeat of the Heat, where they came back from down 24 for one of the biggest wins of the season:

Eddie House Has Cajones

In case you missed it, here is Eddie House's game winner over the Thunder.

Screw that, we all know what you came to see. Here is Eddie House's bizarre "I have big testicles" dance after his gammer winner over the Thunder:

We Need More Tracy Morgan In Sports

The Least Surprising News From Last Night

Nate Robinson Has Ups/Is An Idiot

I don't know how I missed this because I was watching the game, but I could watch this on loop for hours.

Here is the Celtics' Nate Robinson trying to celebrate a great play from Paul Pierce against the Knicks, only to wind up looking like one of his 1800 tries in his annual dunk contest debacle.

Big thanks to reader DJ Aphlatoon for the link.



Happy 2011 folks. I literally had to ask my wife what year it was before I wrote that.

Gary Neal Has Imaginary Friends

Ghosts give the best high fives.

Slim witted and alone is no excuse for not getting a high five or two.

Video Of A Guy Dunking Over 7 People...WHOA IT'S MAC TONIGHT!

Watching this video of 6 foot 3 Pepperdine college player Keion Bell dunk over seven people made me giddy (even though he DID push off of that one guy for leverage). Not because it was an amazing feat...I literally yawned while watching him do it...but rather because of the mascot that jumps out afterward and captures my eyes and attention from then on:

Pepperdine's Keion Bell Dunks Over Seven People @ Yahoo! Video

It's some sort of smiling wave thingy with sunglasses, which I suppose is the official mascot of Pepperdine, named Willie The Wave:

"Oh, Pepperdine has an interesting mascot" was not what I blurted out. What I DID blurt out was "WHOA, IT'S MAC TONIGHT!" I almost leaped out of my seat. As the adrenaline slowly wore off I was able to take in more of the character and noticed subtle differences. The character was blue, not white. His hair had many points, not just one. Most apparently, he was dressed like a down-and-out stoner, and not a well-to-do businessman. Still, the likeness was there, and suddenly I find Pepperdine a lot more interesting.

Mac Tonight, in case you are under the age of 14 or have been living in a bunker, was an amazing short-lived mascot for McDonalds that advertised the fact that they were open late. His name was a bizarre collage of Big Macs, nighttime, and the swing-era song "Mack The Knife". This alone makes him glorious. The fact that he had an enormous crescent moon head with sunglasses and had toys designed after him is what TRULY had him win our hearts. I want to be in that board meeting where some marketing exec had the balls to say, "I have a way for us to sell more burgers: a creepy albino with a moon for a head that sings songs that were popular 50 years ago."






Honestly, while I am happy that Willie The Wave has kept alive the memory of the now deceased Mac Tonight (cause of death: end of advertising campaign/crushed to death under weight of his own head), all he really accomplishes is making us long for the original.

Mac Tonight, if you are reading this, I hope you are in heaven playing that piano on a cloud, still inexplicably catering to children with 8pm bedtimes and telling them that McDonalds is open until 2am.

Chris Paul Staying With The Hornets...For Now

Sigh, with Chris Paul making nice and saying he doesn't need to be traded (right now) so ends the exciting 2010 NBA free agent season, with the Heat getting everyone and annoying us all to hell for the next 5 years. Time to turn our attention to football and baseball and English Premier League Soccer.

To make the transition easier for all of you, here is a clip of Vince McMahon saying "You're fired" for one minute straight:

SVG FTW!!!!!!!!!

Oh my lord this is the best thing ever. Kudos to the Orlando Sentinel!!!

Copy and paste the link below into your browser and enjoy!

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/orlando-magic/os-svg-makeover-interactive,0,6569122.htmlpage

Lebron's Relationship With Cleveland

This is pretty accurate:

Dwight Helps With The Pain Of Watching Lebron To Heat

Who cares that the Heat will likely win the next 7 championships? At least the Magic have Dwight Howard to liven things up with a fantastic Lebron impression (the chin is my favorite part):

I May Buy This Shirt

Screw You, Lebron. Thank God I sold my MSG Stock before you made your announcement.

Dan Gilbert = Jilted Lover

WOW. I think he wrote this while trashing James' car or throwing his clothes out of the apartment window! Or...was he talking about Shaq?

I'm sold. Who else wants to put money down that Cleveland will win a championship before LeBron?

Live Blogging: LeBron TV Special!

10:10 pm - OK. I gave you an hour. I spoil you...

10:02 pm - The second happiest team? Golden State.
9:57 pm - Why are people burning throwback jerseys?!
9:56 pm - What I'm not looking forward to: The girlfriends who try too hard to pretend they like sports wearing LeBron Heat jerseys. This will replace the pink Red Sox hat.

9:50 pm - BREAKING NEWS: MIAMI HAS ALSO SIGNED JOHN STOCKTON, KARL MALONE, PATRICK EWING, REGGIE MILLER, CHARLES BARKLEY AND ANYONE ELSE WHO NEVER WON BECAUSE OF MJ!

9:47 pm - HOLY S*%$! Stephen A was right a few weeks ago!

9:40 pm - He was attracted to Newark?! Me too!
9:38 pm - 100% certainty that Shaq is showing up on Pat Riley's caller ID right now. "Hi. Can I please play for you? Pretty please? I promise to be good. Cross my heart..."

9:37 pm - Video of Clippers fans was unavailable I guess.

9:36 pm - D-Bag riot in Miami!

9:35 pm - BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL WILBON IS FROM THE MIDWEST! DETAILS TO FOLLOW

9:32 pm - Why hasn't this question been asked: How happy are you to play alongside Beasley?!
9:29 pm - Cleveland has now sunk to the bottom of the lake, never to be heard from again.

9:26 pm - MIAMI!

9:25 pm - How important is it to know who knew his decision? We're all about to know in like 5 minutes!

9:23 pm - LeBron looks miserable. I think I also see Stephen A. dressed like a little kid in the stands behind him.

9:16 pm - My heart wants Prokhorov to bust into the gym with some thugs and kidnap the dude.
9:13 pm - Do you think they'll recreate the Tiger Woods podium and background and replace his mom with a random Asian woman?


9:11 pm - LeBron in different jerseys...Amazing production value thus far. Gas bagging and photoshop.

9:07 pm - Welcome to this overblown ego extravaganza!

Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Please

While I frequent casinos, I've only gambled on sports once in my life, making a then unpopular bet that the Magic would draft Dwight Howard over Emeka Okafor. It was wishful thinking. I won $50 and that was that.

Now I turn to a second bet, with my investment in MSG stock. I sit here hoping and praying that Lebron goes to the Knicks with a look on my face much like that blonde woman below Lebron in the photo above. It's either boom or bust at this point as Amare's presence did little more than have me break even since investing on the stock a few weeks back (actually, at today's close I am down $8, but that's close enough).

Word is that Lebron will be making the announcement in Greenwich, CT...which is closer to NYC than Chicago, Miami, or Cleveland. Furthermore, I find it extremely telling that he decided to get out of him home state for the announcement. If he DOES decide to re-sign with the Cavs or go to the Bulls or Heat, I am calling upon every man, woman, and child to create a human roadblock so he cannot leave the northeast. This will be an airtight plan to keep him here unless he boards a plane.

Our esteemed Taylor Cunningham will be live blogging the announcement tomorrow, and I can hardly wait. Hopefully someone hands him the wrong paper and he accidentally admits to sleeping around on Elin.

Stripper Free Agent News: Chris Duhon Goes To The Magic

Chris Duhon, formerly of the Knicks, is now the backup point guard of the Orlando Magic. How did this story make the top of the site over Amare signing with the Knicks (the same Knicks, whose MSG stock I own is down $20...jackasses...)?

Easy. It's because Amare doesn't have photos like these:




This fixes what I thought was wrong with the backup point guard position on the Magic last year, which is namely that Jason Williams wouldn't look good popping out of a cake.

Live Blogging: 2010 NBA Draft

9:46 pm - Trevor Booker for two second round small forwards? T-Wolves: Sign me up

9:42 pm - YES! Another forward for Minnesota!

9:40 pm - Was that Charles Smith sitting next to Kevin Durant and talking in his ear? Can someone please get him escorted out of the building ASAP?!?!?!

9:20 pm - It took a little time, but it looks like Minnesota got their small forward.

9:11 pm - YES! Bulls draft another 6'9" forward! Jay: He weighs too much for us. Send him to Washington.

8:50 pm - Please remind me tomorrow to find the YouTube clip of Ed Davis' agent hugging him ever so sweetly.

8:48 pm - These hats are awful. I have nothing funny or more clever than that.

8:39 pm - Have we found the second coming of Eric Montross in Cole Aldrich?!?!?!?!

8:34 pm - "What I got" We're up to 2. This is admittedly better than 15 minutes of encouraging the crowd to contribute to Margaritaville.

8:32 pm - This guy is like a hip-hop show where he randomly stops playing a song. Jay: I wish he'd stop permanently.

8:28 pm - If Hayward were to slick his hair back, he'd look like a coked out Chris Klein.


8:24 pm - Turner?
8:22 pm - Aminu?
8:21 pm - It's the kid from Good Burger!

8:17 Look-a-likes! Flip Saunders and Mark Coleman.

8:14 pm - Greg Monroe's mom took some time off from touring with Sly and the Family Stone to join us today...

8:12 pm - Success. I threw a Cousins-like fit and got it back.

8:09 pm - This place is horrible.... They've given the college world series preference over the draft. Also something called Whacked Out Sports.

8:05 pm - Oh no, he's playing originals now....

8::04 pm - Whoa, how many d-bag Maloof brothers are there?!?!?!

7:54 pm - SHOCKING DEVELOPMENTS: Minnesota has decided to draft only small forwards, NOT - I repeat- NOT point guards.

7:50 pm - Jay: What's the over/under on hearing the term "length" spoken by "draft experts?" 1 billion.

7:49 pm - Cousins is throwing tables backstage right now after NJ picked Favors.

7:45 pm - Over/under on how long it'll take Philly fans to boo Turner? Jay: N/A. No one is going to those games!

7:44 pm - "Crash into me". We're at 1.

7:39 pm - Since Washington is trying to clear as much cap space as possible to sign a max player, how great would it be to see a line-up that includes Wall, Gilbert and Joe Johnson?

7:34 pm - A d-bag has apparently set up to play shitty acoustic guitar music tonight. I'm missing last year's location. What's the over/under on Third Eye Blind, Bon Jovi, Dave Matthews, Sublime, U2, Oasis songs tonight? 11.5.

7:33 pm - I keep mistaking the draft logo for a new video game.

7:32 pm - Jay: So if the Bulls trade Heinrich and Deng, how many power forwards can they max out at?

7:26 pm - It'd be pretty hard to call me racist if you knew my own race, but at first glance I thought that ESPN had brought in Cal Penn as their capologist.


7:18 pm - The NBA Draft is my guiltiest pleasure in sports. I rail against the massive amount of hype that the NFL Draft gets (quick, give me your top 10 right tackles...snooze) so yes, I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite. I can't get enough. This year I'm at TD Homer's in Southington, CT accompanied for a second straight year by Jay. It's Jay. Not Jason. Just Jay. Hopefully the storms don't knock out the cable entirely or the beer kills my laptop.