Just in case you caught a Gatorade or Rolex commercial with Pete Sampras and/or Roger Federer and actually thought for a second they were cool, here is your annual reminder:
Ah yes, the classic fist pound/high five folly, guaranteeing failure on every social level. You can almost see this interaction happening with them in high school, and continuing on with them giggling awkwardly and then comparing World Of Warcraft screen names. The jock in me is having trouble not kicking sand in their faces and stealing their girlfriends.
On a side note: Hey, finally an excuse to add "tennis" as a tag, for all of you rabid, blood-thirsty enthusiasts out there!
In episode 5, Jordan and Taylor are joined by Matt Byun to discuss their lost weekend of crazed debauchery in Atlantic City. Gambling addictions, fights with waiters, Go Kart mishaps, legendary drinking games, toll booth failures...this one's got it all, folks. Plus, "HooAh or Hate" with some of the best moments from the trip! Pop the hangover aspirin and take a listen!!!
In episode 4, Jordan and Taylor toss on the cologne, pick up the roses, and bring out the roofalin to discuss what they know best: Romance! Listen to them explain why romantic comedies stink, and what married smooth talk sounds like! Plus, "HooAh or Hate" with romance novels and "setting the mood" music! Hubba hubba!!!
Behold...the real life incarnation! Some college girl named Brittney was obsessed with playing with her cousin's Ninja Turtle toys, so she decided to make her own true to life Ninja Turtle van playset. This is an unbelievable use of time, money, and smarts, which will have every pimply, nostalgic nerd chasing this thing like a greyhound. Apparently the inside is laid out with turtle toys as well, pushing this thing straight from "Oh that's kinda cool" to "Holy crap, why isn't this in a museum?"
Yippee for 2011! In episode 3, Jordan and Taylor discuss what they got for Christmas, make resolutions for the new year, and play "HooAh or Hate" with Macaroni & Cheese and the news! Be sure to bring your Hawaii Chairs and creepy Rejouvenique Masks for this podcast!!!
Been slow in the sports world in this week between playoff football games, so the site has had a decidedly "entertain-y" feel to it lately. I like it. Makes me feel like a man.
Here is an Olsen Twins song slowed down. It actually sounds way better than the original pile of crap, and I love that one kid who bugs out his eyes and says, "Whipped cream falls like waterfalls!!!" Warning: listen to this more than once and it will be stuck in your brain until you are forced to take a drill to your head.
Clink some glasses of eggnog, dream of sugarplums (whatever the hell those are), and spend the rest of the night puking up eggnog and sugarplums because THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! WOOOOOOOO! PRESENTS! YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh........h!!! Yeah.
The Zombies Can Dunk crew wishes you the very best of holiday wishes and thanks you for a fantastic year that has brought in a new website name (goodbye "The Howeva Files"), a new podcast, a new site design, a new twitter account, and a newfound respect for how friggin' hard it is to manage all the stuff I just wrote. Seriously I think I lost many years off my lifespan doing all that.
Next year we are going to be starting off with a bang that includes more posts, many with longer content. That's right, we are hoping to increase the length and girth, ahem, of the site.
In the meantime, we hope you have a wonderful, "mistletoe on your zipper" holiday, and just a reminder that no matter what you did to embarrass yourself during your company holiday party this year, in a very short amount of time it will be 2011 and the slate will be wiped clean. -Unless you slept with the boss. In that case you probably just got a raise. Cheers!
In episode 2, Ben Morse joins Jordan and Taylor to discuss all of the wacky aspects of the holidays! Also, the gang plays "HooAh or Hate" with decorating trees, Christmas music, and wish lists! Enjoyable commentary to talk you off the ledge if you discover your mommy kissing Santa Claus!!!
I am an enormous Transformers fan. I have many of the original damn things from 1984 scattered around my room in their original boxes. I am, if anyone, the target demographic for this movie. That said, I could not stop from burying my head in my hands while watching this trailer and think Michael Bay is pure evil.
Did Walter Cronkite's family okay the use of his image in this? Is it possible that they saw what was completed of this trailer, and said, "Well, Grandpa's memory has to live on in some meaningful way, so this HAS to be good. WAIT. OMG. THERE IS A TRANSFORMER WITH A MOUSTACHE AT THE END?!?!?! WHERE DO WE SIGN?!"
Ah but to be a fly in that board meeting, when the writers came in and said that the movie begins with what WASN'T broadcast during the historic moon landing. That Neil Armstrong and Buzz kept a secret like gigantic hulking robot transformer thingies on the moon under their hat for decades, even after retirement, for their own unexplained reasons. That the ancestor of the transformers was somewhere on the moon, idling, and it wasn't until they came to life that the whole series began in what would be a mind-bleep of Megan Fox in too-small outfits, the ruination of John Turturro's career, and dogs humping each other for cheap laughs. -Oh yeah, and the main character's mom wandering around a campus stoned. Surely THIS is how all of that was meant to have started.
As a transformers fan, this third one is going to be the hardest one to justify seeing yet. Gone is ZCD favorite lady Megan Fox, replaced with a skinny model that looks like a Tree Ent from Lord of the Rings. Gone are Jazz and Jetfire, two of the my favorite characters from my childhood that Michael Bay ruined by making one an old guy and the other an overtly racist character. Replacing those things are a promise, and this is straight from Bay's mouth, of "less characters, more focus on the story". That always works well for sequels, Mike.
It's just a shame that such a great franchise has been turned into something that has moviegoers saying in their seats, "Oh cool! A movie about the moon landing! Wait. Crap. Another poop vehicle for Michael Bay. When does this trailer end?"
If you need me, I'll be sulking in my decepticons hat.
This is a Munchkin Mayor Adult Costume, similar to the one mentioned in the podcast. I really, really want this costume for everyday use.
As the title would have you believe, the Zombies Can Dunk Podcast is now available in the Itunes Store and Zune Marketplace!
It's got voices! It's got a fancy image that pops up on your ipod when you subscribe! It's got...well the voices and image are pretty much it.
It is free to subscribe, as we somehow resisted the urge to charge millions to make your ears bleed.
Click on the handy dandy new subscribing link on the site (it is to the right of this message) to subscribe and listen to our very first podcast and the thousands that are sure to follow. We are going to try to get into an "every other week" groove for posting new podcasts, and only time will tell if we are unsuccessful or horribly unsuccessful at maintaining that.
The Zombies Can Dunk Podcast is officially here! In episode 1: Jordan and Taylor discuss costumes, NBA Jerseys, and play "HooAh or Hate" with mall santas and Spiderman!!!
I be pissed. Reading the article below, I had the opposite reaction to Ernie Hudson's "I love this town!" proclamation at the end of Ghostbusters (highlighted in this post title). What could get me so rankled on the happiest of weeks, my beloved Halloween week? What could grind the gears of a guy so blissfully covered from head to toe in orange and black apparel, including socks with little skulls on them ($5 at Target) as he writes this? How about some town outlawing anyone over 12 from trick or treating?
"When I was a kid my father said to me, 'You're too damn big to be going trick or-treating. You're done,’" Eckhert told ABC News. "When that doesn't happen, then that's reason for the city governments to intervene."
Intervening, in this case, means putting an age limit on trick-or-treaters, and threatening the over-12 set with a $100 fine for those who ignore the law—though, according to ABC, that fine has rarely, if ever, been actually meted out. And while some residents of Belleville have complained about the ordinance, it seems that many more are relieved. Trick-or-treat age limits have also been popular in townships in South Carolina, Mississippi, Maryland, and Virginia.
This is infuriating, and akin to banning dancing in Footloose. This Ebenezer Scrooge with political power is telling residents that the moment they hit their teens they are no longer allowed to celebrate the holiday in its most pure form. Sure, we adults pretty much go nuts and drink ourselves silly on Halloween, but what is the 13-20 year old to do? That's right...they will be forced to hit the bottle early, something that will no doubt make their parties devolve into orgies of violence and, well, orgies.
As someone who trick or treated in the surrounding neighborhood before partying on Halloween in college (yes, I really did that...it was hilarious and majestic), I am calling for the residents of Belleville, Illinois to rise up and overtake Mayor Eckhert like the zombies he wishes to outlaw. -Not the adults, but rather an unholy army of 4-8 year olds, doing so after ringing his doorbell. In my mind's eye the kids would try to tear him to pieces, only to have the Mayor saved by a passing adult in a ghost costume. This would surely cause him to see the error of his ways, and make it MANDATORY for all residents to trick or treat on Halloween.
How would this work if everyone is out trick or treating and no one is home to answer the doors? What would prevent burglaries? I have no idea...that's the Mayor's job to figure out. I'm an idea man, not a logistics man. Duh.
It's Halloween week, the bestest week of them all! Yipeeeee!
I am loading up on candy, decorations, pumpkin-scented candles, Halloween-themed Pop Tarts, Ghost Dots, Frankenberry, Count Chocula, pumpkin beer, pumpkin coffee, Halloween-packaged Doritos and Cheetos, and last, but DEFINITELY not least, a Halloween Boglin named "Blobkin".
Punctuating this amazing week is the premiere of The Walking Dead on AMC this Sunday (Halloween night). If you are not aware, The Walking Dead is based off of a graphic novel about life within a post-apocalyptic Zombie world. Although that is an old concept, the graphic novel did a fantastic job of getting in the minds of how people would react in times of extreme duress. Think lots of people making that scrunched, terrified face, like you no doubt did when you first saw the internet Brett Favre penis photos.
Make sure you tune in and check back in to this site, as Zombies Can Dunk will no doubt be reviewing episodes with a special undead flair. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out a way to get batteries in a 6 foot animatronic Crypt Keeper.
For some unknown reason I've been thinking about Back To The Future II lately.
As a movie, BTTF2 gave toy-obsessed kids such as myself a cornucopia of bright, shiny objects to lust over that didn't exist. It sucked that the novel products, concepts and ways of life featured in the movie weren't within the nation's grasp. The closest we've come is a sports team in Miami (coincidentally my favorite team?) and me pouring Coca-Cola into my car's gas tank with horrendous results.
Shoes that tie themselves?! THAT is most definitely on the short list of things I wanted from the movie as a kid. It would have saved me hours of screaming at my shoes that they are good-for-nothing slackers when I was 7 years old. Want.
A conversation about coveted items in BTTF2 would be nothing without...(insert crescendo of music)...the holy grail itself, the hoverboard (cymbal crash). As a serious longboarder and half-assed surfer, determining if my life is a success is completely tied into someone inventing this damn thing. Screw UFOs, cures for sicknesses, and ways to feed the hungry...humanity needs a hoverboard.
Ignoring the ridiculous homemade hoverboards people have made that are about the size of a Buick, and focusing on something that LOOKS and PERFORMS somewhat like the real thing, I present the most forward-thinking artist I've seen in a while: Nils Guadagnin.
It's almost impossible to not watch that previous video while humming the opening bars of "I'm Walking On Sunshine". With so much of this great stuff from Marty McFly's future coming true, all we can do is look to the sky and pray that Jaws 19 is released soon.
I have no idea what the correlation is between weather forecasts and the male anatomy. It's a legit phenomenon. You do a search on the internet and there are countless videos and photos of wangs and dongs and doodles appearing on the weather portions of news broadcasts.
Is it mother nature proclaiming her true sex? Maybe it's the atmosphere's admittance that even it is not above using the pun "watering the flowers"?
Whatever it is, I'm officially giving a sideways glance to people who say they "love the weather channel"...read between the lines with those folks from here on out.