ZCD Podcast 006: A Night Out With TNA Wrestler Christopher Daniels

In episode 6, Jordan, Taylor and Ben attend a Ring Of Honor wrestling show, and spend the rest of the night partying with TNA wrestler "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels. Chaos, wrestling injuries, and mounds and mounds of sushi ensue. Do a back flip off of the top ropes and then take a listen!!!

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Live Blogging: 2011 NBA Draft

10:22 This is the loudest applause that Adam Silver has ever gotten. And this ends the live coverage. Impressions? Minnesota still has zero idea what it's doing.

9:49 ESPN has been so far behind Twitter on their reporting. It's getting annoying.

9:40 The dog has been farting like crazy. Must not be happy with any of these picks.

9:11 Why they don't show the Isiah's a bum video from 2007 whenever the Knicks make a pick every year is beyond me.

9:01 Nice prom tux Kawhi! (Also, why is his pinky all mangled?)

8:48 What is happening with Marcus Morris' pocket square? It seems to be growing exponentially.

8:39 If you want draft coverage that's slightly less funny than me in the other internet tab, follow the Ball Don't Lie live chat.

8:23 In serious news, Ron Artest wants to change his name to Metta World Peace.

8:12 BIZ! (Fran, so you're telling me they just drafted a taller Joel Anthony with the #7 pick?)

8:04 Jonas Valanciunas: Opulence. I has it. (Kisses mini giraffe).

8:02 Just let out a big YES after this Toronto pick. I was just rooting that Kemba not get exiled to Canada.

7:59 Mark Jones seems to keep having his mic dumped. He must be swearing like crazy.

7:57 Bilas is killing me. Where's the "length" references?


7: 46 Where are the ridiculous suits? Why do they look so professional?

7:37 Kyrie is hearing all of this from the ESPN crew, yes? That seemed like a very nervous sip of water.

7:33 I love the booing. Big shout out to NJ!

7:23 Someone please find the vampire who bit Rachel Nichols before she infects the entire war room.


7:17 Zombies Can Dunk exclusive: With the first pick, the Cavs will draft Whitey Bulger because when he flees town at least no one will be pissed.

7:12 Angry contributor, Jay Breuer, makes his first contribution tonight: "Pace" is the new "length" for Jay Bilas this year.

7:11 Stuart Scott is not loud enough to make us care yet. Give him time

ZCD Podcast Episode 005: "Fear And Loathing In Atlantic City!"

In episode 5, Jordan and Taylor are joined by Matt Byun to discuss their lost weekend of crazed debauchery in Atlantic City. Gambling addictions, fights with waiters, Go Kart mishaps, legendary drinking games, toll booth failures...this one's got it all, folks. Plus, "HooAh or Hate" with some of the best moments from the trip! Pop the hangover aspirin and take a listen!!!

ZCD Podcast Episode 004: "Romance!"

In episode 4, Jordan and Taylor toss on the cologne, pick up the roses, and bring out the roofalin to discuss what they know best: Romance! Listen to them explain why romantic comedies stink, and what married smooth talk sounds like! Plus, "HooAh or Hate" with romance novels and "setting the mood" music! Hubba hubba!!!

No Super Bowl Can Equal This

ZCD Podcast Episode 003: "Resolutions!"

Yippee for 2011! In episode 3, Jordan and Taylor discuss what they got for Christmas, make resolutions for the new year, and play "HooAh or Hate" with Macaroni & Cheese and the news! Be sure to bring your Hawaii Chairs and creepy Rejouvenique Masks for this podcast!!!

We Need More Tracy Morgan In Sports

The Least Surprising News From Last Night

Cam Newton Ruled Ineligible After Receiving Store Credit

This afternoon the NCAA ruled that Auburn QB, Cam Newton, is ineligible for the BCS National Championship Game on January 10th in Glendale, Arizona after an investigation revealed that he had received improper benefits. On December 27th, the Heisman award winner allegedly returned a Blu-ray copy of the Will Ferrel comedy,"The Other Guys", he had received as a gift on Christmas for a store credit.

"I had already gotten it for myself on the day it came out," Newton said in a tersely written statement to the press. "I know what I did was unethical and was against the rules. I just didn't understand what I would do with two discs of the same movie."

CORRECTION: Newton has now been declared eligible after it was revealed that his daddy returned the Blu-ray. Cecil was later seen driving his rocket car that was paid for by school boosters to get his son to play at Auburn, but that's OK. Everything is alright, everyone! False alarm.

ZCD Podcast Episode 002: "Happy Holidays!"

In episode 2, Ben Morse joins Jordan and Taylor to discuss all of the wacky aspects of the holidays! Also, the gang plays "HooAh or Hate" with decorating trees, Christmas music, and wish lists! Enjoyable commentary to talk you off the ledge if you discover your mommy kissing Santa Claus!!!

ZCD Podcast Episode 001: "Costumes Aplenty!"

The Zombies Can Dunk Podcast is officially here! In episode 1: Jordan and Taylor discuss costumes, NBA Jerseys, and play "HooAh or Hate" with mall santas and Spiderman!!!

James Wisniewski Gives The International Sign For "I Love Popsicles!"

Dan Gilbert = Jilted Lover

WOW. I think he wrote this while trashing James' car or throwing his clothes out of the apartment window! Or...was he talking about Shaq?

I'm sold. Who else wants to put money down that Cleveland will win a championship before LeBron?

Live Blogging: LeBron TV Special!

10:10 pm - OK. I gave you an hour. I spoil you...

10:02 pm - The second happiest team? Golden State.
9:57 pm - Why are people burning throwback jerseys?!
9:56 pm - What I'm not looking forward to: The girlfriends who try too hard to pretend they like sports wearing LeBron Heat jerseys. This will replace the pink Red Sox hat.

9:50 pm - BREAKING NEWS: MIAMI HAS ALSO SIGNED JOHN STOCKTON, KARL MALONE, PATRICK EWING, REGGIE MILLER, CHARLES BARKLEY AND ANYONE ELSE WHO NEVER WON BECAUSE OF MJ!

9:47 pm - HOLY S*%$! Stephen A was right a few weeks ago!

9:40 pm - He was attracted to Newark?! Me too!
9:38 pm - 100% certainty that Shaq is showing up on Pat Riley's caller ID right now. "Hi. Can I please play for you? Pretty please? I promise to be good. Cross my heart..."

9:37 pm - Video of Clippers fans was unavailable I guess.

9:36 pm - D-Bag riot in Miami!

9:35 pm - BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL WILBON IS FROM THE MIDWEST! DETAILS TO FOLLOW

9:32 pm - Why hasn't this question been asked: How happy are you to play alongside Beasley?!
9:29 pm - Cleveland has now sunk to the bottom of the lake, never to be heard from again.

9:26 pm - MIAMI!

9:25 pm - How important is it to know who knew his decision? We're all about to know in like 5 minutes!

9:23 pm - LeBron looks miserable. I think I also see Stephen A. dressed like a little kid in the stands behind him.

9:16 pm - My heart wants Prokhorov to bust into the gym with some thugs and kidnap the dude.
9:13 pm - Do you think they'll recreate the Tiger Woods podium and background and replace his mom with a random Asian woman?


9:11 pm - LeBron in different jerseys...Amazing production value thus far. Gas bagging and photoshop.

9:07 pm - Welcome to this overblown ego extravaganza!

Live Blogging: 2010 NBA Draft

9:46 pm - Trevor Booker for two second round small forwards? T-Wolves: Sign me up

9:42 pm - YES! Another forward for Minnesota!

9:40 pm - Was that Charles Smith sitting next to Kevin Durant and talking in his ear? Can someone please get him escorted out of the building ASAP?!?!?!

9:20 pm - It took a little time, but it looks like Minnesota got their small forward.

9:11 pm - YES! Bulls draft another 6'9" forward! Jay: He weighs too much for us. Send him to Washington.

8:50 pm - Please remind me tomorrow to find the YouTube clip of Ed Davis' agent hugging him ever so sweetly.

8:48 pm - These hats are awful. I have nothing funny or more clever than that.

8:39 pm - Have we found the second coming of Eric Montross in Cole Aldrich?!?!?!?!

8:34 pm - "What I got" We're up to 2. This is admittedly better than 15 minutes of encouraging the crowd to contribute to Margaritaville.

8:32 pm - This guy is like a hip-hop show where he randomly stops playing a song. Jay: I wish he'd stop permanently.

8:28 pm - If Hayward were to slick his hair back, he'd look like a coked out Chris Klein.


8:24 pm - Turner?
8:22 pm - Aminu?
8:21 pm - It's the kid from Good Burger!

8:17 Look-a-likes! Flip Saunders and Mark Coleman.

8:14 pm - Greg Monroe's mom took some time off from touring with Sly and the Family Stone to join us today...

8:12 pm - Success. I threw a Cousins-like fit and got it back.

8:09 pm - This place is horrible.... They've given the college world series preference over the draft. Also something called Whacked Out Sports.

8:05 pm - Oh no, he's playing originals now....

8::04 pm - Whoa, how many d-bag Maloof brothers are there?!?!?!

7:54 pm - SHOCKING DEVELOPMENTS: Minnesota has decided to draft only small forwards, NOT - I repeat- NOT point guards.

7:50 pm - Jay: What's the over/under on hearing the term "length" spoken by "draft experts?" 1 billion.

7:49 pm - Cousins is throwing tables backstage right now after NJ picked Favors.

7:45 pm - Over/under on how long it'll take Philly fans to boo Turner? Jay: N/A. No one is going to those games!

7:44 pm - "Crash into me". We're at 1.

7:39 pm - Since Washington is trying to clear as much cap space as possible to sign a max player, how great would it be to see a line-up that includes Wall, Gilbert and Joe Johnson?

7:34 pm - A d-bag has apparently set up to play shitty acoustic guitar music tonight. I'm missing last year's location. What's the over/under on Third Eye Blind, Bon Jovi, Dave Matthews, Sublime, U2, Oasis songs tonight? 11.5.

7:33 pm - I keep mistaking the draft logo for a new video game.

7:32 pm - Jay: So if the Bulls trade Heinrich and Deng, how many power forwards can they max out at?

7:26 pm - It'd be pretty hard to call me racist if you knew my own race, but at first glance I thought that ESPN had brought in Cal Penn as their capologist.


7:18 pm - The NBA Draft is my guiltiest pleasure in sports. I rail against the massive amount of hype that the NFL Draft gets (quick, give me your top 10 right tackles...snooze) so yes, I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite. I can't get enough. This year I'm at TD Homer's in Southington, CT accompanied for a second straight year by Jay. It's Jay. Not Jason. Just Jay. Hopefully the storms don't knock out the cable entirely or the beer kills my laptop.

Artest Is Da Best Part II

Live Blogging Game 7

12:08 PM - Wow, you wonder why people hate Lakers fans? They just booed Bill Russell.

11:58 PM - Ron Ron thanking his psychiatrist was the best part of the entire game!

11:56 PM - So dramatic. Love game 7's. Can't help but notice how excited Kobe is and how unenthusiastic his wife is.

11:46 PM - Then Ray Ray...

11:45 PM - No idea how Boston is still close. Then Ron Ron hits a three on cue.

11:27 PM - A Gladys Knight reference. Way to skew Jurassic, Mark Jackson!

10:51 PM - There ought to be a permanent window in the corner fixated on Andy Garcia's mustache.

10:40 PM - If you're a Boston fan, don't you want everyone to say nothing about how badly Kobe's shooting right now? SHHHHHHHHHHH. Just let it happen...

10:11 PM - How dope would it be if one of the players stopped and admired himself on the big screens in the tunnels on the way back to the locker rooms?!

10:08 PM - Veal!

10:04 PM - Damn, this game has been so tight that I haven't moved a muscle in the longest time. Now Ron Ron and Pierce are going at it again.

9:54 PM - Is there a way to get the un-censored broadcast where there isn't 10 seconds of dead air whenever there's a collision? I would pay for it at this point.

9:27 PM - Anyone have any f'n idea who the hell the guy at the 8:20 mark is in this video? He's at every press conference dressed like that.


He's also here at the 2:39 mark too.


9:13 PM - I think this is what Doc Rivers' pre-game speech to Sheed probably sounded like: "This is what all the ice cream was for. All the jogging, sloppy defense, crappy outside shooting comes down to this. Will you step up or go bat shit crazy? Remember this, if you get a technical foul, it's not like there's a game 8 to be suspended for."

9:02 PM - The Red Hot Chili Peppers should always be playing in the background whenever Jeff Van Gundy speaks.

9:00 PM - The Lakers intro music only reminds me of the weakest and most cliched rock performance ever:


8:56 PM - The most appropriate injury report I've read this week: "Rajon Rondo had to get stitches in the locker room after suffering a Ron Artest."

8:55 PM - This vampire can SING!

8:51 PM - Blah blah blah, the world's worst pre/post game crew is finally over. I expected Magic to say, "This is going back to Boston" at prediction time.

8:34 PM - I'm back! Where have I been?! Who cares because it's Game 7! It's one of those rare days when you're allowed go scream at the TV like they can hear you.

An Insider's Look At The Raiders and Browns' Draft Boards

Since there has been, from what I can tell, an embarrassing lack of NFL draft coverage on TV, we here have graciously decided to make this your home for all things football. The average person is 62% water. We are unquestionably made of 100% smash-mouth, stopwatch toting, HGH injected football. To prove it, we did our best Mission Impossible impression to infiltrate the complexes of the Raiders and Browns to bring you a look at their top secret draft boards.

Raiders
1. "Captain" Oliver Blackrock - What Al Davis and the Raiders have been lacking since 1960 has been a flesh and blood pirate that can play in a run and shoot offense and can sack the quaterback['s hometown]. In Blackrock, the Raiders believe they will have both. Strength: Paid in doubloons. Weakness: Peg leg.

2. Jimmy Wheeler - Last year's pick of Darrius Heyward-Bey demonstrates how much Oakland values speed. Wheeler is high on their board after a strong season as a paraplegic wheelchair sprinter. Oakland brass believe that his blazing speed outweighs concerns about rough turf, jump balls and flats. Strength: Baseball cards in the spokes. Weakness: I feel bad after writing this...

3. General Tso - This cousin of Yao Ming is a raw special teams player that Al Davis hopes slips to them in the 3rd or 4th round. Although probably better suited for basketball or reaching for that dish on the top shelf, Davis thinks that his 7'6" wingspan will help with blocking kicks and could possibly make him the only person alive to make Jamarcus Russell look accurate. Strength: Sweet and spicy. Weakness: You get hungry again an hour later.

Browns
1. Gerald "Dumpy" McCoy - This 339 lbs monster nose tackle gives both offensive lineman and the team laundry guy nightmares. Doctors have been unable to properly treat his rare form of irritable bowel syndrome, resulting in McCoy having to miss every other defensive series to change his pants. Strength: Can fart the alphabet. Weakness: No one wants to be his roommate during camp.

2. Dakota Canis - Dakota is the Dawg Pound's dream. He's a 330 pound English Mastiff that is impossible to move, but has trouble trying ignore stray cats in the stadiums, opposing coaches with treats, and chasing the ball. Strength: What a good boy he is! He's a very good boy! Weakness: Pees on the rug.

3. Craig "Glasshead" Heyward - This running back prospect is the nephew of the famed Saint, "Ironhead" Heyward. Like his uncle, he's got nimble feet but looks to plow over any would-be defenders. Unlike his uncle, he's prone to concussions. A lot of concussions. Seriously, he's already forgotten math. Strength: Does a good impression of that Zest commercial. Weakness: Forgets plays...and how to eat.


4. Reverend Brother Cyrus Luther Solomon - Mike Holmgren would prefer that no one know of his super sleeper pick, but you can't fool us. The good reverend is considered the best athlete on the offensive side of the ball, but because of his religion he cannot play on Sundays. Oh, but watch out when/if Cleveland makes it onto MNF! Strength: On his deathbed, he'll receive total consciousness. So he's got that goin' for him, which is nice. Weakness: Leaves activator residue everywhere.

Scott Stapp Begins His Long, Long, Long Journey Back to the Top with "Marlins Will Soar"

This took me about an hour to post because I was laughing so hard imagining this being played for the tens of Marlins fans in the stands wearing ponchos during a rain delayed game against the Nationals.

And why are the Marlins soaring? Isn't the marlin a fish? Here's the Miami local sports station's Marlins-specific version.

SHUT UP KELLERMAN! LET ME DO MORE BANGS!