Otis Smith...Let's Make A Deal!

The NBA Draft is tonight! With Dwight Howard needing some help in Orlando (or else he is pulling a Shaq and RUNNING out of there), what do you think the chances are that Otis Smith, GM of the Magic, makes a move? For his job security, I'll guess 100%.

Here is an eye into the Orlando Magic Otis Smith situation room...

Nice Play

My favorite play of the Magic's defeat of the Heat, where they came back from down 24 for one of the biggest wins of the season:

Oh man. Ish just got real with Gilbert Arenas and Laura Govan.

Something tells me he's not going to be inviting her to live with him and then kicking her out every weekend anymore. CBS Sports reports:

Orlando guard Gilbert Arenas was served with child support and custody papers as he left the court during halftime of the Magic’s game against Miami.
A process server stopped Arenas as he walked off the court during Thursday night’s loss to the Heat. The court documents, obtained by the Associated Press, were a California petition filed by Laura Mendoza Govan. She identified herself as his ex-girlfriend in the documents.
The petition seeks custody and child support for three children that Govan says Arenas fathered and has since “financially cut off.” She is also seeking support for another unborn child as well monthly support for the other children.
In the petition, she is seeking $109,000 in monthly support payments from Arenas and $1.3 million annually.

Why oh whyyy couldn't this have happened tomorrow, in Boston?! I'm really wondering what motivational speaker extraordinaire, head Coach Stan Van Gundy, had to say about this. The man has a natural grace about him, and a real way with words.

SVG FTW!!!!!!!!!

Oh my lord this is the best thing ever. Kudos to the Orlando Sentinel!!!

Copy and paste the link below into your browser and enjoy!

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/orlando-magic/os-svg-makeover-interactive,0,6569122.htmlpage

Dwight Helps With The Pain Of Watching Lebron To Heat

Who cares that the Heat will likely win the next 7 championships? At least the Magic have Dwight Howard to liven things up with a fantastic Lebron impression (the chin is my favorite part):

Stripper Free Agent News: Chris Duhon Goes To The Magic

Chris Duhon, formerly of the Knicks, is now the backup point guard of the Orlando Magic. How did this story make the top of the site over Amare signing with the Knicks (the same Knicks, whose MSG stock I own is down $20...jackasses...)?

Easy. It's because Amare doesn't have photos like these:




This fixes what I thought was wrong with the backup point guard position on the Magic last year, which is namely that Jason Williams wouldn't look good popping out of a cake.

New Magic Logo Time!

I don't know what is going on with my teams lately. The Florida Marlins announced they will get a new logo when they move into their new stadium in 2012, and now the Orlando Magic unveiled a new logo themselves. Check it out:



I know, I know...not very different than what they had. It kinda looks like a sign that would be at Epcot...but to me it marks the complete and utter death of the Penny/Shaq years. -Years that had tons of promise and ended with the two aforementioned stars badmouthing the team into oblivion. Screw those two. New logo, you and I can party anytime.

Eeesh

These Eastern Conference Finals in an image:



Tough for Magic fans...

Orlando Magic Dancers Dunking

Arrrrg! The Celtics have a 1-0 lead on the Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals. Who do I blame? Myself. As a prototypical superstitious fan, I feel my mistake of leaving the Boston Celtics cheerleaders for too long on the website has given them luck in droves. Out of nowhere they dismantled the Cavs and are well on their way to doing it to the Magic as well.

To counteract this, I present Orlando Magic Dancers in their native habitat...that being dunking on foos. Stuff the Magic Mascot, the biggest collage of tripped out 60's marijuana haze ever to be conceived in a mascot, helps them along the way. I firmly believe that Stuff was created by the brain of Michael Beasley.

Anyhoo...DANCERS DUNKING!

Happy Birthday To Me!

My present to myself? A video of the player I easily find to be the most entertaining/funny player in the NBA today: Mickael Pietrus.

Why The Orlando Magic Will Win The Title This Year

-Dunk-off during warm ups. Stan Van Gundy runs a tight ship over there.

Check out Marcin Gortat's dunk. POLAND POWER!

Dwight Howard's Passing Has Improved!

Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic = The next coming of Hall of Famer John Stockton.

I can't believe it has taken me this long to do an Orlando Magic post on the new site. As a fan, I am ashamed. You can also check out this clip and others on ol' reliable TheHowevaFiles.com.

Dwight's Passing has improved!

Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic = The next John Stockton.

5 Seconds Earlier: "I'm sorry sir, we've run out of nacho cheese"

NERDS!

Dwight Howard promoted NBA Live 10 the only way he knew how: By inviting gamers to the basketball court and making them look like idiots.

This has me torn. On one hand, I do not like embarrassing people that are not athletically gifted. On the other hand, I hate gamer nerds, and would give them wedgies and stuff them all in a locker given the chance. I share this in common with Ogre from "Revenge Of The Nerds". Here is Dwight playing around with some nerdy dorkenstein:

Note: A week from today I am going to Norway for business, so I will cram as much fun into this week as possible before I am inevitably sliced in half by vikings.

J-Will Cometh...Backeth From Retirementeth

Just got back from Key West, where I had no internet (just drinks and ladies wearing very, very little) so glancing at the very first news to grace my eyes I was entertained. The Magic signed someone whose antics I have loved for a very long time:



Yes, that's right. J-Will signed with the Magic. The Magic, as you know, play in Orlando, a town so incredibly goofy and glitzy that it could be just the thing to awaken that old player Jason was on the Kings. -NOT the schlub Hubie Brown tamed into being, you know, a "good player", but the guy who was worth paying the price of admission to just play streetball and goof off. Sure, his passes often rocketed into the stands, costing his team valuable points during 4-on-1 fast breaks, but goddamn it he was fun to watch. If the Magic do wind up using him as a 3rd string PG, he BETTER be entertaining, because he isn't worth playing much otherwise.

Welcome back from retirement J-Will. Now it's time to un-retire the bounce-off-the-elbow pass.

Ugh, I Knew This Wouldn't Be Easy

As quickly as I had decided to finally get NBA Live 10, I heard that NBA 2K10 (widely considered to be a vastly superior NBA gaming franchise) was finally going to be released for the PSP. The PSP, dear reader, is the retardedly backwards gaming system I frequent because I travel a lot.

Well, there ya go. Decision made. Done and done.

Then, a reader sent me this image of the NBA 2K10 cover this year:

Kobe Bryant. The same Kobe Bryant that single-handedly (okay Trevor Ariza and Gasol helped a tad) beat my Orlando Magic in the finals this past year. The same Kobe Bryant that used "I like to have extremely rough sex in which I choke girls behind my wife's back" as his DEFENSE in a court case.

To further complicate things, here is the NBA Live 10 cover:

Because this cover is so mighty, the whole thing doesn't even fit on this site. In it, Dwight Howard is saying, "This cover is so amazing, I'm going to go offscreen and make myself a sandwich."

Sheesh. Could they have made it harder? Perhaps if NBA Live 10 put Megan Fox in an Orlando Magic jersey, surfing on a surfboard and blowing away zombies, while NBA 2k10 put the faces of every ex-girlfriend I've had.

This whole thing will take some thought, and reviews from you guys will be crucial. In the meantime I will drink heavily and daydream of the aforementioned NBA Live 10 cover that I just designed.

Matt Barnes With The No-Look!

Matt Barnes has signed a two-year deal with the comically stacked Orlando Magic. It is his 800th team in 5 years. Matt Barnes is a guy who rarely is seen off the court in interviews, so despite his decent production he is not anywhere near a household name. It's a shame he isn't interviewed more, because he seems like an interesting personality. He is super kind, but has the insane tattoos of a brawler.

Maybe the reason he isn't interviewed more is his COMPLETE INABILITY TO LOOK AT THE PERSON INTERVIEWING HIM!



Come ON, Matt. I'm sure you saw somewhere that it looked cool to look off while you got interviewed, but this is just silly. It would have been great for the cameraman and interviewer to walk away after a question and just leave Matt talking to himself and looking off.

Examining The Four Team Marion Dilly

I love how stoned-looking Marion is in that picture.

According to ESPN, a mind-bending four-team deal is on the verge of completion.  The deal would send Shawn Marion to Dallas, allow Toronto more money for Turk by pulling off a sign and trade, give the Grizzlies yet more money and cash to throw in the gutter, and give the Magic a 7 million dollar trade exception to go shopping in free agency.

So what do we think about it?  Hmmm...

Mavericks:  The Mavs, obviously, got the big name in the deal in Marion.  With resigning J-Kidd, their lineup suddenly looks pretty damn good with Kidd, Terry, Josh Howard, Marion, Nowitzki, and Nowitzki's crazy-ass girlfriend (notice I didn't mention Dampier.  -I'm trying to make a point that this team is GOOD).  Frankly, as much talk as there is of Marion being a "team cancer" and having a bad attitude, his abilities lift the Mavs up exponentially.  I have long wanted Marion on the Magic, and being part of this bizarre 4-way deal is as close as I'll likely ever get.

Raptors:  The Raptors were wise to be part of this trade because not only did they get Antoine Wright and Devean George, but they keep their $5.9 million trade exception.  Having this trade exception means that the Raptors have a valuable trading chip in free agency moves moving forward, or free up money to sign up Carlos Delfino.  With them sending out Marion and bringing in Turk, it also allows them to be more European and whiter, two things the Raptors and Jazz covet more than anything.

Grizzlies:  Honestly, any attempt for anyone to explain the reasons behind ANY Grizzlies moves is futile.  Here, it seems that the overwhelming thing that they get is the chance to buy out Jerry Stackhouse's contract and create cap space for the future.  -You know, to sign all of those free agents that can't wait to move to Memphis Tennessee and watch OJ Mayo throw up circus shots.

Magic:  The Magic were apparently the last second team that hopped in and allowed this trade to work, and looking at what they get it's shocking they were not involved from the start.  For, well...just letting Turk leave, they get a (reported) 7 million dollar trade exception.  They can use this money to add depth to their team or go after one more big name (David Lee?  Paul Milsap?  Dirk Nowitzki's girlfriend?).

At the end of the day, the trade helped everyone with the possible exception being the Grizzlies.  -Just the way every good trade should.

Dwight Howard Is Losing His Mind

Many of you have already seen this, but Dwight Howard was handed a puppet by a reporter and asked if he deserved his own instead of Lebron.  What followed was pure comic bliss as the puppet interviewed Howard, including asking point blank about the two free throws that cost the Magic a game in the finals and about 20 years off of my life.

Enjoy.  When it comes out 10 years from now that Dwight had multiple personalities like Hershel Walker, you'll feel guilty for having laughed at this: