Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: Texans Cheerleader Randi Brady

NFL parity is making it tough for any team to stand out above the others. Right now most of the teams in the league are 2-3 or 3-2, so any sort of competitive advantage is key. For this reason...we need cheerleaders to tell us who is really the best.

That's my logic. I see no flaws in it.

Based on cheerleaders alone, the Houston Texans would win the next 80 super bowls. Whenever their team is televised on the east coast, I get dozens of texts from friends saying things like, "Look how hot the Texans cheerleaders are" and "Wait...the Houston Texans have a football team? Are those the guys running around behind the beautiful dancing women?"

It's like the team looked elsewhere in the state, saw the Cowboys cheerleaders, and decided the only way they could top them was to genetically engineer women in a lab. It is a miracle of science and probably cost millions.

Kicking off this trend of Texan beauty is a lady by the name of Randi Brady (who has since left the team to go on to modeling...shocker). She is the original gangsta who made the collective eyes of America shift to the Texans, much like this fatty in the black shirt is doing here:


Randi was even named "Hottest Cheerleader in the NFL" by Maxim a while back, which seems a good barometer for attractiveness (Maxim also brought our attention to Miami Dolphin favorite Lilly Robbins). The fact that Texans fans were looking elsewhere in the stadium to take their eyes off of the piss-poor David Carr-led product on the field must have helped her exposure.

Anyways, here are some images of Randi Brady for your Wednesday enjoyment:

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: DALLAS COWBOYS EDITION

First off: Yes, I know it is Friday. This is besides the point.

With this site growing more popular, I decided to look at what the constituency was actively checking out on the website. Zombies Can Dunk is nothing if not a voice of the people.

Wouldn't you know it? Most seem to like Hot Cheerleader Wednesday as our most popular segment. Perverts.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a penis photo of Brett Favre to know that the public, especially the internet public, likes to see a little skin here and there. It is natural. It is part of our DNA. It is the only reason anyone even knows the name "Kelly Brook".

Thus, why wait until Wednesday to have some fun? Nay, I say that is is the right of the PEOPLE to get what they DESERVE! -and what they deserve is pictures of cheerleaders to help them get through the drudgery of another Friday and start the weekend out on a good note, dammit! This is America! Roar!

Nothing says America (for better and for worse) more than the Dallas Cowboys, so this HCW is devoted to the starred pom poms within the harem of creepy Jerry Jones.

Seeing these cheerleaders day in and day out, then abruptly NOT seeing them, would drive anyone to abuse heavy amounts of drugs. This is why Michael Irvin's behavior makes way more sense than anyone else on his team.

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: San Francisco 49ers

I've been quite sick over the past week, which has limited how much I can go to the gym. Ah well, I can still watch other people work out and feel healthy...like this guy:



With that delightful image in mind, it's time for HCW. This week we travel to San Francisco, whose football team is currently mulling a move to Santa Clara. The Santa Clara 49ers doesn't really have much of a ring to it, especially since that area is better known as Silicon Valley, and not an area where gold was mined.

Ah screw it, there are no lakes in Los Angeles and no Jazz in Utah, so here are some damn cheerleaders:

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday...Friday Edition: San Diego Chargers

The Eastern Conference finals have me all discombobulated (I'm waiting for the inevitable Orlando Magic stab in the gut as soon as they made it interesting), so Wednesday went by with nary a cheerleader in sight. I would hate to leave you unfulfilled, especially going into a sunny Memorial Day weekend, so here you go.

With it being an (optimistically) sunny long weekend, let's travel to a warm weather spot. Specifically someplace that's Spanish for "A Whale's Vagina": San Diego.

There are almost too many photos of San Diego cheerleaders on the internet, so I've tried to filter it down for you a bit. Have a good Memorial Day ladies and gents.

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: Phoenix Suns

Wow, what a colossal choke by Vince Carter in game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Oof.



If you look closely in that video, you can actually see the grim reaper laughing at me in the background, knowing he'll be getting me sooner rather than later after this game. This game was a rough one to watch...especially after my sacrifice to the basketball Gods of Magic dancers dunking.

Well, since neither the Celtics or the Magic dancers helped the Orlando Magic's cause, here are dancers from another damned 0-2 Finals team: The Phoenix Suns!

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: Boston Celtics

As a Magic fan, I would love nothing more than for the Celtics to beat the Cavaliers tonight, thus setting up an easier route for Orlando to make it to the NBA Finals. I honestly can't stand anyone on the Celtics except Brian Scalabrine, but the playoffs are all about matchups so I'm willing to put differences aside.

On a side note, here is an interesting tidbit from Wikipedia about the Celtics logo:

The Boston Celtics logo was designed by Red Auerbach's brother, Zang.

I can't believe there is a less successful brother out there named "Zang Auerbach". As a parent, you KNOW you are making one of your sons the less successful one when you opt for "Zang".

Anyhoo, enough of my rantings. Here are some ladies wearing green and white, none of whom appear to be Irish:
Look at those smiles. Truly, being an NBA cheerleader is a profession you can brag to your high school friends about and bring up at thanksgiving dinner. In fact, you tell people, "Hey, google 'Boston Celtics Cheerleader' and you'll see me up there. I even have my rump turned suggestively to the camera lens! Isn't that funny, grandma?"

Well, imagine ol' granny's expression when she googles "Boston Celtics Cheerleader", your image comes up...and it happens to be in this golden nugget of photographic genius:

Someone give this guy an award. The fact that the cameraman/camerawoman had the insight to scoot the frame over ever-so-slightly to include him makes it even better. -For this, you see, isn't as much a great photo as it is a metaphoric representation of the Boston sports bar world, where amidst your "Yankees wicked SUCK!" and "Knock Eli's block off, Broooooski!" you can still have a good time.

You can almost imagine Sam Adams doing a similar gesture to the British during the Boston Tea Party. God bless America.

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday: Atlanta Hawks

Yes, yes, I KNOW it's Thursday...but I'll be damned if we let the site's #1 staple falls by the wayside due to such a frivolous technicality.

I've decided to change the format of the HCW to be that of an entire team's cheerleaders. While Dolphins Cheerleader Lilly Robbins is a star all in herself, just finding one name cheerleaders is just something I am far too lazy to do.

In honor of the Hawks losing by 43 points to the Magic the other day, I've decided today's HCW would focus on Atlanta. Not only was I just there to visit relatives, but I'd like to show some mercy to Hawks fans after they got destroyed. Consider it an olive branch from a Magic fan like myself. This will all go away if the Hawks somehow beat the Magic tonight in game 2, because I am just that much of a bastard.

Anyhow, enough talk. Meet the Hawks dancers:

Hot Cheerleader Wednesday - Lilly Robbins, Miami Dolphins

I still remember the first time I saw Lilly Robbins in an issue of Maxim. I had just come back inside from a long day of chopping wood, saving woodland creatures, and planting trees (for future chopping down). As I sifted through my enormous pile of fan mail, I came across the magazine with her image and stared at it for a solid 5 seconds before my heaving, muscled forearms disintegrated the pages.

It was a good day.














Update: Just in case you didn't love life enough...