The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: 2011 Mid-Year Report Card

The midway mark of 2011 has come and gone and with it we pause to look back on the last six months. What has the cinema given us that will stand the test of time? Hard to say, although I've found one surefire masterpiece - Kelly Reichardt's trance-like minimalist western, Meek's Cutoff - and a series of very strong contenders for any "best of 2011" list. You'll notice that the upper echelon on the list below is very heavy on genre entertainments. Perhaps exemplifying my current state of mind more than anything else, but I've found myself cherishing the entertaining trips to the cinema that Scream 4, Unstoppable, Thor and Kaboom provided me over the exercises that were The Tree of Life, Sleeping Beauty and Of Gods and Men. Don't get me wrong, those movies are incredibly worthwhile experiences that have provided hours of intelligent discussion, thought and writings, but I can't deny that I wish I had more encounters like those I had with The Green Hornet, I Love You Phillip Morris or Insidious, you know? Still, having said all that, Meek's Cutoff is the best film of 2011 (so far) and that's hardly a thrilling, action-packed trip to the multiplex, is it?

It's both unsurprising and yet disappointing that the three best films that I have seen so far this year on the big screen were actually classic movies. Gone with the Wind, Taxi Driver and Baraka are all bona fine "greatest of all time" trustees and being able to witness them a the cinema was something I'll cherish far more than, say, Bridesmaids.

Let's take a look at all the films I've seen that have received a 2011 release - or have one imminent because we like long lists - either theatrically or on DVD. Some titles, like Black Swan, were not released in Australia until this year hence their inclusion. I'm sure I've left something out and I'm sure people will balk at my ranking of stuff like Burlesque, but there ya go. Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts on the year so far.

1. Taxi Driver (35th Anniversary ReRelease)
Martin Scorsese's greatest film is getting an official re-release next week so I think it's fare to include it (whereas I saw Gone with the Wind and Baraka at single Astor sessions). I honestly can't recommend this movie enough, especially on the big screen. Those magical opening credits with the taxi cab slowly emerging out of a pit of filthy New York subway steam and smoke took my breath away, as did so many other images found within. It's an astonishing movie and, with little surprise, will probably be the best film released in 2011 35 years after the fact. A+

2. Meek's Cutoff
Kelly Reichardt's latest film is a grand expansion of scope and ambition for this incredible talented writer and director. I've liked her past movies, like Old Joy and her first Michelle Williams collaboration Wendy & Lucy, but with those two it felt like her very minimal take on the material was because there was little there in the first place, but with this sparse western her talents - her wonder with framing nature and the way people interact with it whilst dealing with loss - finally met a story that really took my breath away. I was incredible moved by this film and it has effected me ever since. A

3. The Illusionist
4. Scream 4
Sure, it's not the fourth best made movie - or the fourth best anything, really - but I just had a blast and I'm gonna have an even bigger blast devouring it on DVD over and over again. A-

5. Rabbit Hole
6. I Killed My Mother
7. Inside Job
8. Burlesque
There's something to be said about a movie that gave me so much enjoyment. I cherish this movie and I can guarantee that I will rewatch it more than any other film on this list - barring Scream 4 most likely. A-

9. Jane Eyre
10. I Love You Phillip Morris
Best comedy of the year, hands down. I still laugh thinking of it and I saw it nearly a whole year ago at the Melbourne International Film Festival. A-

11. Black Swan
12. Unstoppable
13. The Green Hornet
14. Heartbeats
Xavier Dolan, director of this and I Killed My Mother, is surely one of my favourite new directorial and acting (to be honest, I think he's a better actor but his directing is so assured that it's hard not to fall for him and his films). A-


15. Kaboom
16. Thor
17. Griff the Invisible
18. Rango
19. Insidious
20. Certified Copy
21. The Tunnel
22. Potiche
23. 127 Hours
24. Another Year
25. Rio
26. Of Gods and Men
27. Bridesmaids
Despite my reservations about some of this film, surely Kristen Wiig's performance will go down as one of the year's best. B+


28. Senna
Most assuredly one of the greatest feats of editing for the year. B+

29. In a Better World
30. Oranges and Sunshine
31. Sleeping Beauty
32. The Tree of Life
33. X-Men: First Class
34. Cane Toads: The Conquest 3D
35. Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives
36. Source Code
37. True Grit
38. Mega Piranha
This ranks just below two Palme d'Or winners - don't say I ever take myself too seriously, you guys! B

39. Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship & Videotape
40. Limitless
41. Mrs Carey's Concert
42. Wasted on the Young
43. Oceans
44. Mr Popper's Penguins
45. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D
Perhaps the defining film of the year and home to one of the best scenes committed to celluloid - that'd be the hair flick sequence set to Etta James' "At Last" - doesn't have anything on the great backstage concert documentaries like In Bed with Madonna, but it succeeds grandly at what it is (which is basically In Bed with Madonna for the G-rated tween set). B-


46. Water for Elephants
47. I Am Number 4
48. No Strings Attached
49. The Round-Up
50. Catfish
51. Mad Bastards
52. Conviction
53. Here I Am
54. The Fighter
Definitely my least favourite of this year's ten Best Picture nominees. C+

55. Sanctum 3D
56. The Adjustment Bureau
57. Never Let Me Go
58. Little White Lies
59. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
60. Blame
61. How I Ended This Summer
62. Barney's Version
Three movies in a row with utterly infuriating lead characters. Or, in the case of Blame, a whole bunch of infuriating lead characters. C- for all three.

63. I Saw the Devil
64. Brighton Rock
65. Stake Land
66. Snowtown
Did you eventually go and see this controversial Aussie film? I remain staunchly in the negative on Justin Kurtzel's debut feature, a arty telling of the worst Australian serial killings, but others have most definitely been high on it. My review was quite popular so do go have a read if you haven't already. D+ from me.

67. The Hangover Part II
68. Cars 2
69. Kidnapped
70. Sucker Punch
71. Norwegian Wood
The best part of this film from Tran Ahn Hung were the 20 or so minutes I fell asleep during. Insufferable drivel; these characters couldn't off themselves fast enough. D


72. The Tempest
73. Rubber
What a load of rubb...ish. D-

74. Hereafter
75. A Heartbeat Away
76. Battle: Los Angeles
The two movies I gave an F to in 2011 were released on the same day. Coincidence?

What say you, dear readers? Do you agree or - as I suspect - disagree most violently.

Jane Russell Would've Enjoyed Burlesque!

In my review of Burlesque a month or so back I referenced Howard Hawks' classic 1953 musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes in my defense that just because a movie is camp doesn't mean it's instantly bad. I questioned what audiences would make of that film, which starred Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell, who passed away today at age 89, in 2011. I mean, there were some people who reacted so negatively to the camp nature of Burlesque that I can't even fathom how they'd react to Blondes, what with it's musical number titled "Ain't There Anyone Here For Love" wherein Russell parades herself around surrounded by near naked men performing gymnastic routines. The closest Burlesque came to anything like that is when Cam Gigandet strips down to a box of Famous Amos cookies.


I do love Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - I even feature it alongside Burlesque in the blog's banner up the top there - and, as far as pure filmmaking skill goes, I don't think anybody, not even I, could say Steve Antin, director of Glass House: The Good Mother, can come close to the masterful Howard Hawks. And yet I do find it curious how many won't bat an eye at a scene like "Ain't Anyone Here for Love", or anything else in Blondes that is excessively girly. People like to pick and choose, I suppose, with the passing of time.

It was sad to learn of Russell's passing, but hardly surprising being she was 89 years old at the time. Of course, apart from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Russell was probably best known as Howard Hughes' cause célèbre with his risque marketing of The Outlaw that placed Russell - and her cleavage - at front and centre. The story was humourously mentioned in Martin Scorsese's The Aviator if you remember that. What I didn't know, but have since discovered, is that she was a fierce advocate of adoption, having adopted three children of her own in the 1950s. That was nice to learn. RIP, Jane Russell.

Christina Aguilera Getting Her Lines Wrong... in Burlesque!

Yes, yes, Christina Aguilera apparently flubbed the lines to the American national anthem - which amuses me because, here in Australia, it's quite rare to find anyone who knows all the lyrics to our anthem! Conclusion: Xtina should move to Australia, a country that has spent years discussing how much we hate our national anthem and would rather use a song about a man who steels sheep and then kills himself in a lake!! - but if you ask me, her greatest go at making professional mistakes is this clip reel of Burlesque bloopers.

Other than Christina stating "I nearly sang that line!" and other wagon wheel watusi whoopsiedaisies there is Cher taking multiple takes of a closeup of her feet, Cam Gigandet's "Famous Amos" cookie box surprise and general Stanley Tucci sexiness. So, let's face it, if you must watch one video where Christina Aguilera gets her lines wrong MAKE IT THIS ONE!

Jacki Weaver, Academy Award Nominee.

I think I predicted this back in March.


While I didn't do all that well with my Oscar predictions, I did foresee a couple of the notable things. How about Javier Bardem and I was so happy to see The Illusionist get the leg-up over Tangled and *shudder at the the thought* Despicable Me. Although I wish I'd kept Another Year in my original screenplay predictions instead of swapping it out for Blue Valentine. Meanwhile, in the Best Director category I correctly predicting a big omission, I just went in the wrong direction.

I thought Darren Aronofsky would miss out ala Baz Luhrmann in 2002 when everyone thought there was no way the branch could look at it and not recognise the direction. It was not Aronofsky though, but Christopher Nolan. I must say, I let out a laugh when his name was not read because, as a cinephile I was very distinctly in the minority in thinking that The Reader was the best film nominated in 2009 - give or take a Milk. Hearing all of Nolan's "fanboys" all but shit over that film and it's director Stephen Daldry for "stealing" Nolan's nomination. I am anticipating who these people will claim "stole" Nolan's nomination.

I find it incredibly insulting to throw around this "Inception directed itself?" line because, well, the five nominees all did fine work and earned their nominations. And then there's the issue of the four other directors who didn't get nomination alongside their movies in the Best Picture category. I feel a bit bad for the likes of Debra Granik and Lisa Cholodenko who have to listen to these people yammer on about Nolan being "snubbed" and yet there they are, also having directed Best Picture nominees and... well, I just think it's really poor form. Nevertheless, next year Christopher Nolan has a film in contention will we be seeing 10 nominees for Best Director? Hmmm...

One last word: Burlesque?

Okay, more than one last word. I can live with Burlesque not being nominated, but not nominated against *that* line-up? Or, more specifically, *that* song from 127 Hours? It's fitting that it's played during a shot that just hangs in the sky because it's the musical equivalent of air. It barely exists! I'm not even sure how it qualifies as a song to be perfectly honest with you. Add in the two animated tunes and it's one of the dullest lineups in that category's history. And that's from someone who tends to defend that category more than others. What a load of rubbish!

2011 Oscar Predictions: "Why Not?"

To paraphrase The Cranberries... everybody else is doing it, so can't I? And trust me, there are some people doing it that, quite literally, haven't the foggiest idea what they're doing. It baffles me that even people who run famous Oscar watching websites don't even know eligibility rules for major films, but there you go. Because I don't claim to be an expert I can have a bit of play around with the nominations, which is what I've done. So, let's take a stab at these things, shall we?

Best Picture:
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids are All Right
The King's Speech
The Social Network
The Town
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone
alt: 127 Hours



The final spot it definitely a battle, I think, between The Town, Winter's Bone and 127 Hours. I gave the edge to the first two because I imagine they'll benefit from preferential balloting and #1 slots respectively. Personally, I'd prefer 127 Hours over Winter's Bone, but there's a bunch of titles in the entire top ten that I could do without being nominated so it's six of one half a dozen of the other, really.



Best Director:
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, True Grit
David Fincher, The Social Network
Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
Christopher Nolan, Inception
David O Russell, The Fighter
alt: Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan

Conventional wisdom seems to suggest Aronofsky getting in over the Coen's because his film would've been the likelier top 5 contender in a regular year, but I'm going with the filmmaking brothers in a sort of Woody Allen type nomination (he of the ubiquitous "lone director" nominations) for a directing team that are obvious well respected. I just feel incredibly nervous for Darren Aronofsky in a "Moulin Rouge!-directed-itself" kinda way.

Best Actor:
Javier Bardem, Biutiful
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
James Franco, 127 Hours
alt: Robert Duvall, Get Low

Firstly, I chose Javier Bardem as a sort of "Tommy Lee Jones from In the Valley of Elah" style it-seems-so-obvious-yet-didn't-quite-see-it-coming nomination. And as much as I'd love to predict Ryan Gosling for his best of the year work in Blue Valentine, with so many young'ns in the field, I imagine many might put down the soft lob of Duvall if they veer away from my predicted five.

Best Actress:
Annette Bening, The Kids are All Right
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
alt: Hilary Swank, Conviction

Oh how I worry for Nicole Kidman. She's been right in there all season, but never winning. That's the sort of position that can lead to complacency from voters. Hailee Steinfeld, however, will wind up here, I suspect, much like Kate Winslet did for The Reader (something I correctly predicted, mind you). She did get the BAFTA nod for lead after all and that is, I think, quite telling.

Best Supporting Actor:
Christian Bale, The Fighter
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech
alt: Sam Rockwell, Conviction



I am not at all confident about Garfield or Ruffalo, but have stuck with them anyway. I'd love to see John Hawkes surprise for Winter's Bone, but I'm just not sure how.



Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
Mia Kunis, Black Swan
Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom
alt: Barbra Hershey, Black Swan

Supporting Actress is always the first category announced on nomination morning so by the time the five nominees have been announced I will be either incredible ecstatic to pay attention to the rest of the nominees or too miserable to pay attention to the rest of the nominees. If I could have any Oscar morning wish it would be for Jacki Weaver to get nominated. We're officially on red alert for her, but I think if Steinfeld gets the bump to the lead race like I expect then we'll be seeing Weaver's face pop up on the monitor.

Best Original Screenplay:
Blue Valentine
The Fighter
Inception
The Kid's are All Right
The King's Speech
alt: Another Year

Kinda going off on a tangent with these nominations, but the writing categories have been surprisingly keen lately to honour the films that aren't getting noticed elsewhere and I suspect Blue Valentine will rank highly enough on enough ballots to get nominated.

Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Ghost Writer
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone
alt: 127 Hours

Yeah, by this stage we're all just theorising on one spot since four of these are locked up. It won't make much of a difference either way, right? I'm figuring the writer's branch will find more to like in The Ghost Writer's adaptation (plus novelty factor of high profile writer) than 127 Hours which, at least for me, finds its strengths elsewhere than the screenplay.

Best Cinematography:
127 Hours
Black Swan
I Am Love
Inception
True Grit
alt: The Social Network

Okay, I Am Love is obviously wishful thinking, but I'm holding out hope for a Malèna style nomination, okay? I can dream, can't it? Either way, I'll just be thankful for any lineup that doesn't include The King's Speech's gaudy lenses. Please!


Best Art Direction:
Alice in Wonderland
Inception
The King's Speech
Shutter Island
True Grit
alt: Black Swan

I don't really have anything to say about this category. Sometimes they nominate certain things and sometimes they don't. Who can tell, really?


Best Costume Design:
Black Swan
Burlesque
The King's Speech
Robin Hood
True Grit
alt: Alice in Wonderland

Just a completely random idea to throw out Alice in Wonderland. I'm absolutely positive it will indeed get a nomination for Colleen Atwood, but... I just want to throw it out on the off chance they do indeed snub her and I can be all "see, I knew they wouldn't nominate that trash." Of course, I'm then predicting Robin Hood, so... er... ummm...

Best Film Editing:
Black Swan
Inception
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
alt: The Fighter

I dunno. All six of these films have aspects that I can see the Academy responding too. I'm just banking on some sort of boxing movie fatigue with The Fighter (although the editors branch could just as easily be turned on by the inserting of documentary footage as they are turned off by the routine boxing sequences.) To quote Lisa Simpson: Like, ya know... whatever!

Best Make-Up:
Alice in Wonderland
True Grit
The Wolfman
alt: The Way Back

I typed "The W---" and left it blank for several minutes as I tried to decide which movie to predict. I went with The Wolfman, but I can easily see it being left off in favour of, well, anything, really? Same goes for True Grit, but I feel confident that that's film's prestige will get it across the line.

Best Visual Effects:
Alice in Wonderland
Inception
Iron Man 2
Scott Pilgrim vs The World
TRON: Legacy
alt: Harry Potter and the I've Forgotten It's Name For Real, Part 1

Yeah? I dunno. Why is this category five wide again?

Best Music - Original Score:
Alice in Wonderland
How to Train Your Dragon
Inception
The King's Speech
The Social Network
alt: The Illusionist

Alexandre Desplat, almost always getting nominated for the wrong score entirely. This year it's The King's Speech over (apparently) The Ghost Writer. Hmmm. So disappointing since I thought this year had so many great scores. They really do need to reinstate that adapted/song score category though, don't they?


Best Music - Original Song:
"Welcome to Burlesque" from Burlesque
"You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from Burlesque
"Coming Home" from Country Strong
"I See the Light" from Tangled
"We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3
alt: "Shine" from Waiting for Superman

I will be happy as long as something from Burlesque is nominated!

Best Sound Editing:
Black Swan
How to Train Your Dragon
Inception
127 Hours
Toy Story 3
alt: True Grit

I went back and forth. Settled on this combination. looks decent enough, right? (rhetorical question, don't answer that!)

Best Sound Mixing:
Black Swan
Inception
The Social Network
True Grit
Unstoppable
alt: Salt

Again, who really knows? These categories occasionally throw up really weird stuff.


Best Animated Feature:
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3
alt: Tangled

I haven't seen Tangled yet, but gosh I really hope The Illusionist really snags that final contested slot. Or, if not that, then something like My Dog Tulip or Idiots and Angels that will throw people for a loop like they did last year with The Secret of Kells. Do we really need Despicable Me nominated? Why not just nominate Kim Possible: The Movie while you're at it?

Best Documentary Feature:
Inside Job
Restrepo
The Tillman
Waiting for Superman
WasteLand
alt: William Kunstler: Disturbing the Universe

I can see all the contenders being nominated, to tell you the truth. And, for what it's worth, that includes Exit Through the Gift Shop. If it got this far...

Best Foreign Language Film:
Incendies from Canada
In a Better World from Denmark
Biutiful from Mexico
Life Above All from South Africa
Even the Rain from Spain
alt: Dogtooth from Greece (for laughs)

Again, it's a total throw-the-darts idea for the final spot and I went with Spain since it sounds like the where-did-that-come-from surprise that is always there due to the tiny nature of the branch.

I'm not going to predict the short categories since I can't even fake having any true knowledge about them at all. We'll see how we go when the nominations are announced Tuesday American time, which I believe is usually about Midnight on Wednesday here. What fun.

Burlesque and Some Other Movies are Nominated for Awards etc

The GLAAD Media Awards are hardly on most people's radars and yet here they are throwing up a slate of nominees that seems like an oddly inclusive representation of the year 2010. There is the token breakout indie (The Kids are All Right, the all-but-signed-sealed winner), the token blockbuster (Scott Pilgrim vs The World), the token comedy (Easy A), the token foreign-language hit (The Girl Who Played with Fire) and the token movie people are surprised to discover others actually like (Burlesque).

OUTSTANDING FILM - WIDE RELEASE
Burlesque (Screen Gems)
Easy A (Screen Gems)
The Girl Who Played with Fire (Music Box Films)
The Kids are All Right (Focus Features)
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (Universal Pictures)

In case you've been under a rock for the past week, I very much liked Burlesque, and it's heartening to see a corporation as iffy as GLAAD recognise a movie that - *gasp* - we're not to meant like because it reinforces stereotypes of superficiality, camp and bad taste. Sometimes it feels like GLAAD should enforce a subtitle in their organisation title - GLAAD: We're Just Like You, Please Love Us!

While I haven't seen Girl and Easy A, both of which unfortunately slipped me by at cinemas, their inclusions at least don't sound embarrassing. And as much as I found annoying about Edgar Wright's Scott Pilgrim adaptation, the gay character of "Wallace Wells" was not one of them. The Kids are All Right is an obvious inclusion, but I do find it interesting that they didn't throw a bone to Tyler Perry whose For Colored Girls was surprisingly high (or should that be "down low") on gay content. This list of nominees isn't exactly hurting for white candidates, is it? Of course, they could have been really daring and nominated Jackass 3D! Let's just be thankful they didn't nominate Kick-Ass for that film's offensive weird, creepy fake-gay subplot. Yikes, what was that about, anyway?

OUTSTANDING FILM - LIMITED RELEASE
Howl (Oscilloscope Pictures)
I Love You Phillip Morris (Roadside Attractions)
La Mission (Screen Media Ventures)
Patrik, Age 1.5 (Regent Releasing)
Undertow (Wolfe Releasing)

I have Howl sitting here waiting to be watched, but from almost every source I have spoken to it is not a good movie, which is a damned shame. I Love You Phillip Morris, on the other hand is very good and a hilarious, daring take on the prickly subject matter. GLAAD probably felt they had to nominate it since it's one of the few films that wears its gay badge with pride, thrusts it in your face and then has sex with it in a public toilet as George Michael looks on. La Mission, a father-must-deal-with-sons-homosexuality-in-culture-that-won't-accept-it drama starring Benjamin Bratt, has a lot wrong with its screenplay (namely the character of Lena, played by Erica Alexander), but it has some interesting things to say on gay relationships between races and generations so I'm happy to see its inclusion here. Undertow and Patrik Age 1.5 I have not seen, but I've heard nothing but good things about the former. I think it will be playing at the upcoming Melbourne Queer Film Festival and I anticipate checking it out.


Speaking of MQFF, they will also be screening Gregg Araki's Kaboom, which recently released an amazing new poster (above), Xavier Dolan's Les amours imaginaires, Prima Donna: The Story of Rufus Wainwright's Debut Opera and the aforementioned La Mission.

OUTSTANDING DOCUMENTARY
8: The Mormon Proposition (Red Flag Releasing)
Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement (Sundance Channel)
Prodigal Sons (First Run Features)
Sylvester, UnSung (TV One)
Out: The Glenn Burke Story (Comcast SportsNet Bay Area)

The only of these that I have seen is Kimberly Reed's Prodigal Sons and it's probably the best film from the entire GLAAD roster. I highly recommend everyone seeking that one out. Even if you're not too interested in the life of a transgender woman, it's got a fascinating old Hollywood hook that should reel you in. It's a doozy!

That's all they have for the film categories, which is a shame. Oh what I'd give for a serious selection of nominees for "Best Performance by a Straight-Playing-Gay" or "Best Gay Film about an All-Boys Choir". I'm sure there are dozens of those released on the gay arthouse/festival circuit every year, right? To read the rest of nominees you can do so at The Hollywood Reporter.

Review: Burlesque

Burlesque
Dir. Steve Antin
Year: 2010
Aus Rating: M
Running Time: 120mins

There is a lyric in Burlesque’s closing number that goes “get yo ass up / show me how you Burlesque.” It’s an apt line to end the film (and, for that matter, to begin this review) since it sums up so much about Steve Antin’s flashy musical – one of the few truly original live action movie musicals of the genres new millennium rebirth – so well. Not only does it seem completely in character that this film would create a new word in the English language; burlesque as a verb - they’re, like, pulling a MacGyver! Secondly, it’s apt because it exemplifies how completely out of tune (pun intended) Burlesque is to the actual art of burlesque. Characters sure do “get their ass up” here, but it ain’t in the name of “Burlesque”. Antin’s movie has about as much in common with classic burlesque as Mickey Rooney has with Chinese culture in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. And about as much class, too!

If I believed in guilty pleasures then I would probably be willing to consider Burlesque as one, go to my corner and let everyone else debate whether it’s a “good” movie or not (mostly, not). I don’t tend to believe in guilty pleasures, however and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt from enjoying Burlesque and neither should you. I had a riotous good time watching it through its self-lubricated veneer of Vaseline and I’d hazard a guess and say that if you think you’re going to like Burlesque then you will in fact have a great time.


Many may suggest that Burlesque hasn’t much of a plot, and that the barest of plots it does have are hardly worth mentioning, but it has a one all right and Antin, who also wrote the screenplay, works that bad boy like the audience has never seen it before in their life! Opening in Small Town, Iowa where there’s a twinkle in the golden setting sun’s eye, parents name their children Timmy and diner’s close between the lunch and dinner rushes so that undiscovered talents slumming it in the sticks can perform Etta James routines using a sweeping broom as a microphone. An impossibly gorgeous woman by the name of Ali (Christina Aguilera in her screen debut) has somehow not cottoned on to the fact that reality programs live for talents like hers and has only just decided to catch the next bus out of town with a one-way ticket and go to Hollywood. You can tell she’s excited because she sleeps through her arrival; she was so excited she could nap, I suppose.

What follows are a job hunting montage that rivals Dolly Parton in Barnet Kellman’s 1992 small-town-girl-mistaken-for-radio-host romantic comedy Straight Talk for gobsmacking “are they for real” yuk yuks, Ali’s apartment being robbed like someone spliced in a scene from CSI: Los Angeles and Christina Aguilera’s face running the gamut of emotions from “confused” to “slightly confuseder”. Stirring stuff, indeed. Before long she has stumbled across The Burlesque Lounge, a dingy-looking club that’s nestled amongst developing skyscrapers, it’s entrance seemingly tucked away up a fire escape. The only hint this club even exists is the illuminated sign out the front that looks as if it would blow over with a stiff breeze. Oh, let’s not forget the PG scantily-clad woman out the front whose job appears to be to give lusty eyes to anyone that walks by while repeatedly rolling her stockings up and down for no reason. Aguilera’s eyes light up so big she appears to be considering a change of sexuality.

Before long Ali is working in the club as a waitress, serving the drinks that Jack (a bubbly Cam Gigandet) hands her. Audiences watching Burlesque know she’s made for stardom because she can memorise patrons’ order like song lyrics and swings a waiter’s tray like a microphone prop. She’s like Nomi Malone with her ability to know dance routines before they’ve even been taught to her! Except this time Ali is talented whereas Nomi was just a freak with devilish nails. That Ali is talented is, much like most of everything else in the film, not a surprise – casting an unknown might have at least given us some suspense as to how talented, but that’s a minor glitch – although the film has a fun time getting there. Upon entering the club on her first night, Ali watches an elderly woman with frightening-yet-hypnotising cheekbones (imagine Burlesque in 3D if you dare!) perform a song called “Welcome to Burlesque”, surrounded by a parade women who dress like skaters who turn tricks. The camera does anything it can to hide the zombie-like trance Cher’s face has found itself in, including filming through martini glasses, reflections on drum kits and smudgy windows. That Ali doesn’t even flinch at the lyric “It’s not the end of days / it’s just the bump and grind”, while an odd Alan Cumming growls at her from the entrance booth, proves she will have no troubles fitting in.


Of course, Ali’s pipes prove a winning combination for the club, which is going under for the sake of the plot. Perhaps if this mystical Burlesque showwoman – Cher as bi-polar Cher, I mean Tess – didn’t spend so much on hiring a cavalcade of dancers who somehow earn enough to afford speedy sports cars and eat takeaway pizza every night – surely the best paid dancers in LA - then the dance hall wouldn’t be so bankrupt. Alas the plot requires some threadbare tether so we go with it. The crowds start rolling in, as does the offer from a wealthy businessman (Eric Dane as Eric Dane’s Character from Grey’s) to be his wanton sex goddess and maybe also… A STAR.

Yes, it’s all ridiculous and cliché and so are the reactions of people who are at all surprised that a movie titled Burlesque starring Cher and Christina Aguilera is ridiculous and cliché. That’s part of its charm. But comfort food alone isn’t enough and Antin manages to come through with the goods in other areas.

On a technical level there really isn’t much to find fault with unless you’re in a prickly mood. Michael Kaplan’s costume design is especially praise-worthy with its vast array of performance outfits – Cher’s circus ringmaster ensemble, Aguilera’s hands-on-breasts dress and the getup made entirely out of strategically placed pearls are all perfect (again, maybe having your Burlesque performers wear dresses made entirely out of pearls is bad for the bank balance, Cher!) Production designer Jon Gary Steele has fun with the space, pretending the interior of the Burlesque Lounge is a mammoth hall with removable walls, revolving bars and cascading staircases that appear as if from nowhere like out of a Lloyd Bacon movie. I almost expected an adjoining ballroom to emerge just for the sake of it. Sound design, too, is key, especially during “Express”, which all but disintegrates the cinema sound system with its barrage of handclaps, finger snaps and booty slaps.


Aguilera has never been much of a dancer with her best music videos generally being those that focus on a killer imagery hook (“Fighter”, “Dirrty” and “Hurt”.) Here she acts adequately, sings impressively and squeezes out a commendable amount of comic timing. Performances of “I Am a Good Girl” and “A Guy What Takes His Time” (including large rectangular light box in front of her woman parts ala Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, naturally) are far more impressive due to Aguilera’s array of kooky facial expressions and exaggerated diva-DIVA flourishes. The very final shot before the credits role is, perhaps, one of the biggest laughs of the film.

Cher is Cher. Whether she’s lurching around on a stage performing Diane Warren torch ballads (“You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”, which is fabulous, by the way) or hurling howler dialogue (“how many times did I hold your hair back while you were over the toilet, throwing up everything but your memories?”) at us with the seriousness of a dead puppy, she’s like a divine entity beamed down to Earth to make us all feel moderately less okay for not being as incredible as she. Cam Gigandet comes out of Burlesque smelling like roses, giving the film’s best performance by far. He shows triple the amount of personality than he’s previously been allowed and his strip scene is entertaining not just for his display of skin, but for the charm he brings to it. And in what amounts of a mini reunion of The OC, Peter Gallagher also wanders around the set every now whenever the plot requires it. It’s enough to make me wish Seth and Ryan took a trip up the highway to LA one night and ran into Volchok and Sandy Cohen hanging around a sleazy dance bar wearing mascara and screaming at alien women from Mars. Bless.

Stanley Tucci, meanwhile, acts as if his Nigel from The Devil Wears Prada had taken one too many attacks from Miranda Priestly, moved down to Los Angeles and became the prerequisite gay director of a slightly-risqué dance club. His character gets a surprisingly sweet gay hook-up sequence that I really can’t imagine anywhere else but here… or in a film by Todd Stephens. Kristen Bell pops up occasionally, too, whenever the plot demands someone to scoff and scowl. And then Diana Agron of Glee appears momentary in a role so brief I can’t believe Andre Braugher wasn’t cast.


If Burlesque has any surprises up its sleeve – and I maintain it has several – it’s biggest is that Steven Antin somehow managed to insert a plot about, of all things, air rights. If you’ve ever wanted a movie in which Cher fiercely battles big business by blackmailing development tycoons to purchase air then Burlesque is as close as you’re gonna get. Bob Fosse and Rob Marshall, eat your hearts out!

Simply, Burlesque is the sort of movie in which a black dancer is named Coco Puff and another actually says “go cuckoo for Coco Puffs!” It is a movie in which Cher all but gives her gaggle of real life impersonators a step-by-step guide to applying make-up to look just like her! It is a movie where Christina Aguilera calls Kristen Bell a drag queen without a hint of irony. It is a movie where Cher’s character consoles a dancer who lost her contact lenses by spouting “if you fall off the stage – legs extended, boobs out!” and in which musical sequences defy space, time and logic. I’m so glad it is. Post-screening I spent hours changing my mind as to what my favourite scene was; Burlesques is the gift that keeps on giving!

Being a musical though the most important aspect is, indeed, the music and I was so pleased to discover the music here is top notch. Aguilera’s concerts have always been dotted with old school classics, notably by Etta James, and here she gets to belt out a couple, too. The real jackpot is, surprisingly, in the original material. “I Am a Good Girl” has a delicious camp purr, “Bound To You” is a big diva ballad co-written by Sia and “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” is already an earnest classic, a song so good that Cher could simply sing it 28 times in a row and still make her seventeenth comeback concert a success. That the soundtrack’s producer somehow shoehorns in an Aguilera-led remake of Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People” says something, but I’m not quite sure what.


Even having enjoyed 95% of the movie, and the songs in it, still wasn’t enough to prepare for the very 100 per cent rousing showstopper climax. By the time Aguilera sing’s “get yo ass up / show me how you burlesque” in “Show Me How You Burlesque” the film has steered so far away from its already meagre proximity to actual burlesque that there’s no sense in noting it. This film-ending sequence, however, is the film’s standout and proves Antin may actually know what he’s doing behind the camera after all. It’s big, bold and flashy and Antin catches it all. Fancy that, actually being about to see dancers dance in a musical! The song is punchy and the design of the sequence features enough bulbs to light a small town, surrounding dancer upon dancer upon dancer. They just keep popping up out of nowhere! Occupational Health and Safety regulations were surely breached with that trick. How long did they have to wait under those tables? It’s apt that Burlesque goes out in a blaze of excessive, toe-tapping glory. It will put a spring in your step, if you’re so inclined, and, personally, I felt like I was a high for hours after. I instantly burst into a standing ovation with applause.

I enjoyed Burlesque more than any other movie I’ve seen in a long time. I almost wished I had a remote so I could rewind scenes right there in the cinema and as the credits started to roll I wanted the film to start right back on up again. I would have stayed for as long as they were willing to allow me. Guilty pleasure? Nah! I can only dream of more movies having this one’s moxy. Can’t get past the cliché of the pregnant dancer or the dialogue that reads like anti-poetry – “who wrote that?” “I did.” “You wrote that?” – then don’t bother, but as Burlesque tucked into a lip-synced musical sequence of Marilyn Monroe’s “Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend” I couldn’t help but wonder if those reacting against the tireless parade of camp on display would feel the same way about Gentlemen Prefer Blondes in 2010. It has a musical sequence set inside a gay nudist gym, after all. !!!+

Campesque

This is the poster for Burlesque.


That was the poster for Burlesque.

So, top points for being completely and utterly unafraid of all the nasty, grotesque, homophobic trolls that patrol the internet as if only heterosexual men are allowed to be on here. They're certainly not backing down from the "camp" vibe of all the other marketing material released so far and I love it for doing so. I also love whoever designed this because they actually put Cher on there when it would've been so easy to say "nobody knows who Cher is!"

Still, the poster is RIDICULOUS, no?