Cameron Diaz Heats up Cleo

                                               Cameron Diaz for Aussie Cleo's August 2011 Issue

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Battered and Bruised: 10 Recommendations for Lars von Trier

To celebrate my imminent viewing of Lars von Trier's latest movie, Melancholia, at the Melbourne International Film Festival (my most anticipated of the fest!), I thought it'd be fun to look at the actresses that I'd personally love to see work with the famed Dane. With Kirsten Dunst, an actress many had written off in only her mid-20s, winning Best Actress at Cannes his knack for unique and unexpected casting is yet again in the spotlight. No matter who it is that he casts - a debutant Emily Watson, A-lister Nicole Kidman or musician-turned-actor Bjork - he is bound to get an electric, almost always career best performance out of them.

Angela Bassett
Where in the world is Angela Bassett you ask? Well, unfortunately my geography skills are not what they used to be when hunting down Carmen Sandiego because I fear I'd get lost in seconds trying to figure out where she got off to. Here's hoping she's stalking the Zentropa studios in Denmark, because other than that I just don't wanna know. The way that von Trier put such wordy dialogue into the mouths of his Dogville cast (especially Kidman and Caan in that big climax) makes me salivate for Bassett's e-nun-cee-at-ion and what she could take his highfalutin words.

Viola Davis
An actress as criminally underused as Viola Davis needs a director like Lars von Trier to collectively wake the world up to her immense gifts. She was a punch to the gut in brief cameos in Antoine Fisher and Doubt, so I'd like to imagine she could carry that on through to an entire film. I'd be scared of what von Trier would come up for her - and, perhaps, after the experience of dealing with race in Manderlay he may not want to go back there - but whatever it was I have no doubt Davis could carry it.

Laura Dern
As proven by her work with David Lynch (Wild at Heart, Blue Velvet, INLAND EMPIRE) as well as provocative and daring films by Alexander Payne (Citizen Ruth), Dern has proven that she is at her finest when stretched a director in command of his craft, but who also knows how to play with expectations of story and idea as well as the prettiness of an actor. Her flexible face would be perfect at expressing the range of emotions that von Trier always asks of his leading ladies, while her natural good looks would be like clay in von Trier's hands to bruise and batter at his whim.

Cameron Diaz
I must apologise to Ms Diaz, for you see I recently joked that the Golden Globes' musical/comedy categories were going to be so weak that they might have to nominate Cameron here for her performance in Bad Teacher. I apologise because she would actually deserve it. She hasn't been that committed to a role since - if I am remember correctly - the underrated In Her Shoes. I can only imagine what von Trier would do with this bright-eyed surfer chick, but I would hope he would tap into that talent that sparked in Being John Malkovich and Vanilla Sky. People would most definitely scoff, but there was a time when Diaz looked to be becoming a force. Much like Kirsten Dunst, I am sure she'd surprise us all.

Dakota Fanning
Gosh she was good in The Runaways, wasn't she? Now that Dakota Fanning is grown up it won't actually be gross, weird and just downright icky to see her be put through the physical wringer like many say she was in that Hounddog movie from years back. I'd gladly take Elle Fanning, too, since she is proving herself time and time again lately.

Holly Hunter
The day Lars von Trier announces he is working with Holly Hunter - an actress sadly lost to television and below radar indie projects - is pretty much the day I stop breathing and die. I must, however, be resurrected because there'd be no way in hell I would miss this combination. Just remembering Hunter's performances throughout the 1980s and '90s (even her most recent Oscar-nominated work in 2003, thirteen) and I get chills. Actual chills. I can easily see von Trier sliding Hunter into a role as deep and destructive as Breaking the Waves and I can only hope that Hunter would still have the motivation to dig deep for a role if she was asked.

Lisa Kudrow
This former "Friend" has proven to be one of the most brittle and effecting comediennes in her work with Don Roos (The Opposite of Sex, Happy Ending and, unseen by me, Love and Other Impossible Pursuits), which have been deeply funny and yet emotionally scarred. The Comeback proved that she can indeed be excellent without Roos of her fellow friends to have her back, so just think for a second what sort of warped tragi-comic nightmare von Trier could come up with (people forget he can be a dark humourist) for Lisa Kudrow? Just imagine it, I dare you! Lisa Kudrow in The Idiots. Wow.

Mila Kunis
Much like Kirsten Dunst, Kunis has a background that could make working with a director on von Trier's standing seem quite odd. Star of That '70s Show as well as mainstream properties like Friends with Benefits, its her performance in last year's Black Swan that hinted - but didn't quite fully achieve - at the well of emotions just waiting to be pumped out of her (okay, that sounds gross!) Von Trier could quite easily play with the flirtatious, sexy Mila Kunis just as much as the dark and tortured Mila Kunis and she has briefly flirted with unleashing.

Kristen Stewart
Gosh she was good in The Runaways, wasn't she? Not only would I like to see this because she's proven herself before and after Twilight, but I think I'd also get a bit of a thrill out of Stewart appearing in a film by a filmmaker like von Trier and confusing the hell out of her fans. It's be a riot and she would probably rise to the task, too.

And lastly...

Madonna
Oh you know you wanna see what these two control freaks come up with on his Danish backlot! Don't even try to deny it.

Review: Bad Teacher

Bad Teacher
Dir. Jake Kasdan
Year: 2011
Aus Rating: M15+ (ridiculous)
Running Time: 92mins

She’s a Bad Teacher, shootin’ grades in your direction. The latest in a string of raunchy, adult-marketed comedies (following Bridesmaids, with Horrible Bosses coming soon) is a rather obvious affair – watch as Cameron Diaz acts filthy and inappropriate around young children! – and yet succeeds due to the sheer determination of its towering lead performance. Not willing to lazily waltz their way through Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg’s ho-hum one-note screenplay, Diaz and her supporting cast routinely spin gold out of innocuous moments with blunt force dialogue delivery and physical determination.

Read the rest at Trespass Mag
I liked it. I'd almost say I prefer it to Bridesmaids purely because it's 40 munutes shorter. Hmmm. Anyway, who doesn't like a Vanity 6 reference?

Top This: Ten Worst Musical Numbers in Cinema

Do you read The Vine? Because you should. Today they are (or, more specifically, @Luke Ryan is) counting down the ten worst musical numbers in films ever.


"Don't Walk Away"
When asked for suggestions, I chimed in with "the animated fish scene in XANADU" and thankfully it made it onto the list at no. 10. The rest of the list, however, is equally awful. In fact, due to not having seen all the films these numbers are from, I have discovered some that are indeed far worse than "Don't Walk Away" in which Olivia Newton John and Michael Beck kiss and inexplicably turn into animated fish. Truly. I mean, I can't believe I ever lived in a world in which I didn't know "Top That" from Teen Witch existed. Can you?


"Top That"
It's just so funky!

Some doozies that didn't make the list? Well, I could list the entire soundtrack to the infamous 1984 Dolly Parton/Sylvester Stallone misfire Rhinestone, but special citation must be given to "Drinkenstein" I think, which is made worse by Dolly's "oh isn't that cute" laugh at the end. I don't believe The Dolly Parton would ever find that amusing in the slightest. What about "Sobbin' Women" from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers? A terrible movie for sure, but much like "Thank Heaven for Little Girls from My Fair Lady Gigi, this travesty of a musical number is so far rendered culturally insensitive by it's woeful lyrics that I kinda can't even fathom it existing in 1954! It's an ode to smackin' yo woman so she don't go astray, after all.


"Drinkenstein"


"Sobbin' Women"
And what about EVERYTHING from Were the World Mine, which is a very good example of how bad Glee truly could be and yet thankfully isn't. And while it feels beneath me to rag on product from the Disney field of dreams, "Bet On It" from High School Musical 2 had me in wild guffaws when I watched it. What's with that ridiculous pool reflection and Zac Efron's silly choreography? Yikes!


"Were the World Mine"


"Bet On It"
In the end, however, I think they got it right by naming "The Penis Song" from The Sweetest Thing as the number one worst. It's a travesty, isn't it? Watching Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair sing their way through this ode to giving men false impressions of the size of their manhood - "your penis is too big to fit in here!" - is akin to having your eyes and ears stabbed repeatedly with a rusty switchblade. It's diabolical, really. Not to mention the old lady who would've easily been played by Betty White if made five years later. Thank heavens for small mercies. It's just a shame the Razzie committee didn't bestow any of their illustrious honours onto it. I mean, if "Drinkenstein" can win Worst Original Song then why can't "The Penis Song"?


"The Penis Song"
I implore you to read the rest at The Vine and see how low/high Vanilla Ice's contribution to the world of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ("Go ninja / Go ninja, go!") is!

And after all of that, if you just want one more video with a 1980s edge then watch this one. It's the music video for some band called Atomic Tom (they are not a spin-off of Atomic Kitten, featuring that mess of a dishrag Kerry Katona) covering Human League's "Don't You Want Me". The original is an amazing classic, this new version is awful. The video, however, is a hoot as it features an adorkably hot Topher Grace (Definition - clothes on: "aww, ain't he cute!" clothes off: "whoa!") and a hilarious as always Anna Faris (along with some of their co-stars from Take Me Home Tonight) recreating famous moments from 1980s flicks. I don't think I can see Michelle Trachtenberg, but I can see Lucy Punch and Michael Beihn!

Bonus points for Topher Grace taking his shirt off as well as his Risky Business moment. Even more bonus points for Anna Faris looking like Sandra Bernhard as she impersonates Glenn Close's bunny boiler moment from Fatal Attraction. Points off for including Norma Rae, which was from 1979. How'd that slip by? Thanks to the brilliant Jason at My New Plaid Pants for pointing me in the direction of this clip.


"Don't You Want Me"
I want that Human League/Dare tee that Topher Grace is wearing, by the way. Anybody know where I could get my hands on one? Preferably with Topher still inside.

Review: The Green Hornet

The Green Hornet
Dir. Michel Gondry
Year: 2011
Aus Rating: M
Running Time: 119mins

The Green Hornet is a movie that succeeds in spite of itself. Pitting two individuals with such distinguishable styles – co-writer/executive producer/star Seth Rogen and director Michel Gondry – together is almost always a recipe for disaster, and yet in Gondry’s outlandish, visually flash and snappy adaptation of the famous radio serials is a delightful hoot from word go. It is alive and marches to its own imaginative beat, which is something I appreciate more than others it seems.

Seth Rogen, co-writing with Evan Goldberg, stars as Britt Reid, the son of a recently deceased newspaper tycoon played by Tom Wilkinson. Along with his father’s mechanic Kato (pop star and Curse of the Golden Flower actor Jay Chou), the two form a crime-fighting duo whose mission – I think – is to pretend to be villains in order to get closer the man responsible for all the violence in Los Angeles. That’d be Christoph Waltz as the ridiculously named Chudnofsky. Cameron Diaz plays Lenore, but her role is nearly non-existence, which is a shame because Gondry has proven to quite adept at giving perky blondes wonderful roles (hello Kirsten Dunst in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind).


It’s basically all one big excuse for Rogen to wear dapper (and, for this viewer, irresistibly sexy) three-piece suits while explosions detonate around him and every second evil henchman dies by having something fall on them, whether it be a car, a bulldozer, a steamroller… The plot is more-or-less a series of exposition and bromance bonding that act as nothing more than flimsy bridges between escalating loco action sequences, but what loco action sequences they are! And that exposition? Filled with ballsy zingers recited at such rapid fire pace by (mostly) Rogen, the kind that you would expect from him and Goldberg (they also co-wrote Superbad and Pineapple Express). Scenes between Rogen and Chou have a zest that isn’t usually found in action blockbusters of this sort. The Iron Man films tried, but I much prefer Rogen’s brand of the similar playboy/frat house humour.

The action really is quite something. I don’t recall having ever been so particularly taken by a film’s stunt work – shame on me, really – but the work by the stunt crew here appears phenomenal. Sure, a lot of the fight sequences involve crotch-kicks and head slams, but Gondry has filmed the action scenes so as to allow an audience to properly see them all. That it physically looks as if a real person is having their nuts smashed by a villain is not to be underestimated. A seemingly never-ending parade of people smashing through windows, slamming into walls and doors, falling out of high places, punching, slashing and stomping mixed with an assortment of weaponry, inventive and traditional, make the escalating madcap violence hilariously numbing. Why is a man getting kicked in the testicles so much funnier here than anywhere else I’ve seen it lately? I’m not quite sure, but I appreciated the film’s bravura and the way it embraced its crazed style.

That Gondry was able to stick to Rogen and Goldberg's rhythm and still have some of his style come through is a bit of a minor miracle. Oh sure, there are no scenes made of paper mache, but compare The Green Hornet to anything by, for instance, Stephen Sommers or Rob Cohen and you can see an instant difference. Gondry is no director for hire and he has supplanted enough style to make the movie stand out without going overboard and alienating. There’s a very distinct Dick Tracy meets The Shadow circa 2011 vibe there that I clicked with. It embraces its cartoon heritage, but does so in a way that isn’t dopily obvious (hello Hulk) or frustratingly literal (that’d be you Sin City). The 3D is mostly ineffectual, although one thing Gondry makes work with the technology is split screen, which produces a nifty floating effect as his cameras follow a series of various characters during a sequence that makes TimeCode quadrant screen look quaint.

The reactions of this film have been amongst some of the most fascinating in recent memory. For every critic or two giving it a one-star savaging there is another hailing it to the heavens. They say comedy is subjective, and so too are big budget, wisecracking, visual effect extravaganza blockbusters. In a time when so many films of The Green Hornet’s ilk are trying desperately to be “gritty”, “realistic” and “mature”, played so seriously that you could cut glass with the straight angels of the pretty lead cast-member’s jaw, it’s hard to imagine myself having more fun in a movie of this kind. What Gondry’s film has, and has in spades, is a very specific dedication to pure and utter anarchy. There aren’t just times when The Green Hornet goes off the rails – it goes off the rails, rockets off into the stratosphere, loops around while juggling five missiles at once and then lands perfectly back on the tracks; it should crash and burn, but ultimately becomes something I embraced in all of its wow-pop-zing glory. A-

Review: Knight & Day

Knight & Day
Dir. James Mangold
Year: 2010
Aus Rating: M
Running Time: 109mins

Knight and Day has been a troubled production from day one. Not only was it written and rewritten by an ever-growing parade of Hollywood writers from studio to studio, but also a series of directors and cast-members (Adam Sandler was once attached to star, as were Chris Tucker and Eva Mendes) were hired and dropped out before it was finally settled on Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. This period of development hell should be cause for alarm, but thankfully director James Mangold has somehow managed to salvage just enough to make Knight and Day an enjoyable, if convoluted, time at the cinema.

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Isn't it strange how many of these movies have come about this year? Knight & Day, Killers (out in Australia soon), Date Night and The Bounty Hunter all within six months of each other. I was definitely surprised by this movie since the combination of Cruise and Diaz sounded like one of the most painful actor combos imaginable, but there are moments where they both just seem "on" and in tune. That bit where Diaz runs out on the count of three along with Cruise's reply makes me laugh every time I see the ad. Such is life.