Things I Would Do For Money

1. Try new wines, at my own expense, then write a short article comparing and contrasting their attributes in vivid detail so that you feel as if you yourself are drinking them.
2. Write your fake memoirs, featuring feats, accomplishments, and tawdry affairs that you have never participated in.
3. Draw a cartoon version of a photo you, then mail you the cartoon from Buenos Aires.
4. Take a picture of myself making the same expression as you are making in the photo you sent for the cartoon, then e-mail you the photo or post it on this blog.  For an extra fee, I will also try to dress like you.
5. Take a photo of myself at a recognizable tourist destination in Buenos Aires, then photoshop your head onto mine so that you can show it to your mother.  For an extra fee, I will also try to dress like you.  For another small fee, I will post the photo on Facebook and tag you as the subject.
6. Eat a small bug.
7. Sleep on the hard floor for three (3) consecutive nights without a blanket.  For an extra fee, also without a pillow.
8. Edit your diary or personal writings.  For an extra fee, I will sign a legally binding agreement not to share the information contained therein.
9. Feature a poem written by you on this blog.  For an extra fee, I will write the poem but attribute it to you.
10. Teach you the Basics of MP3 Organization.  This may be a multisession course.  Pay by hour.
11. Think good thoughts about someone you love.
12. Eat nothing but bread and wine for one whole week.  For an extra fee, I will dress like Jesus.  For another extra fee, I will try to dress like you.
13. Whine on this blog about the difficulties of writing, finding a job, homesickness, etc.  Drink more wine.  Write a poem.  Read on the terrace.  Walk to the park.  Watch TV online.  Read liberal U.S. news.

For an extra fee, I will attribute the poem to you.

(Paypal OK.)